Page 32 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

‘The gods were brutal as fuck.’ I laugh to myself.

I stare up at the constellations I’ve spent too much time learning about. So much of my free time is lost staring out a telescope on my private balcony back home. It’s an easy escape from whatever I’ve gotten myself into at times. Something about the stars is so calming. Romantic even if you blow by the murder and chaos in the stories. As a teen, I thought my little hobby would help me talk to women, but Hollyn was the only one interested enough to listen to me.

‘Onto the hero of our story. Perseus. One of the most celebrated heroes in Greek mythology.’ I point to his constellation and Hollyn’s head follows my finger. ‘He was on a mission to kill Medusa.’

‘I feel like we need tense background music.’

I chuckle. ‘He succeeded in killing her and as he flew home on his Pegasus, with Medusa’s head in a bag—’

‘So, romantic.’

‘Every day, I hope to find a severed head to present to a woman, yet the opportunity still evades me,’ I joke, making her laugh.

I missed this. Her laugh. Her commentary. She’s always made my stories better.

‘Anyway, Perseus came across a chained Andromeda before Cetus did. He fell in love and struck a deal with her father. If he could save her, he could marry her. Unfortunately, like real life, it wasn’t that simple.’

A breeze blows by, sending her perfume right to me. Peonies mixed with vanilla. It’s filling my head with memories I’ve never allowed myself to forget but refused to look at either. They’re buried in the back of my heart where I needed them to stay to get over her when she left. Now they’re storming my head, looking for a way out, and it’s overwhelming me in a way I didn’t expect.

‘You alright?’ she asks, glancing over at me.

‘Yeah, sorry, lost in my head there for a minute.’

Findyourwords,Dax.Story.

‘Um, Perseus slayed Cetus, no problem. But after, he learned her parents had promised Andromeda to her uncle.’

‘Ew.’

‘They liked that bloodline pure. But yeah,gross. To marry her, Perseus needed to kill the uncle too. He was outnumbered, but eventually, he pulled Medusa’s head from the bag and turned the uncle to stone, winning the battle and taking Andromeda away from her family to marry.’

‘And a severed head saved the day after all. Romantic in a way I hope I never experience.’

I laugh. ‘Note to self: don’t bring Hols a severed head as a romantic gesture.’

‘Well, it might be useful if it can turn people to stone. I’ve got a list.’ She glances over at me, a sly smile on her face. ‘I missed this.’

‘Me too.’

‘Wanna know something?’

I nod. I want to know everything.

‘Anxiety still plagues me at night, and sometimes, even all these years later, I imagine lying on my parents’ roof with you, listening to your stories.’ She flashes me a shy grin. ‘You never aged in my head, so you definitely didn’t look like the man sitting next to me now. But somehow the memory of you,this, helped?’

Mymemory has helped her. I would have never guessed that. Not in a million years.

‘You know you always could have called me. I’d have told you the stories over the phone.’

‘That’s not as easy as it sounds when you’re lying next to another man.’ She sighs, still staring at the sky above us. ‘Ya know, now that I’ve had time to think on everything, I don’t think I’ve been happy for a long time. I was afraid to do something drastic because I like comforting things and changing the world I’d come to know would have led to chaos. My head can’t handle chaos.’

‘I get that. Constellations are calming for me. That’s why I like astronomy. When I’m overwhelmed, I look at the stars and they remind me that there’s a huge world out there; I’m for sure not the only one looking to the skies when I feel like I’ve lost control of my tiny piece of it.’

I missed having these talks with her. She’s the only one I’ve ever been able to talk to like this.

‘You’re different. But the same? Like a piece of my past that has somehow gotten smarter, but you’re still Dax, ya know?’

‘I am still Dax.’

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