Page 58 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

‘Is it me?’ she asks, her voice small and hesitant.

Her reading my mind shouldn’t be this scary.

‘No,’ I blurt out. ‘You’ve been the bright spot in my days, Hols. I even enjoyed kicking Tristan’s ass.’

She laughs. ‘I’m sorry I got you caught up in my drama. Sometimes, I wonder if you’re only this nice to me because I’m such a mess.’

‘That’s only 99 percent of it.’ I wink, leaning forward, my elbows on my knees again. ‘Haven’t I always been nice to you?’

‘Mostly,’ she says. ‘When you and River weren’t doing annoying things like egging my car.’

I laugh. ‘Pretty sure I went along with River because it forced you to notice me. I liked when you noticed me.’

If she wasn’t wearing these sunglasses, maybe I could see her reaction to those words.

A slight smile turns the corners of her lips. ‘Ialwaysnoticed you, Dax. How could I not? You’re seven feet tall and were at my house twenty-four-seven. We even spent holidays together. You’re practically a part of the family. Truthfully, besides Mercy, you and River were my only friends.’

Is she saying I’m like a brother to her? Shit.

‘Are you stressed?’ she asks, probably noticing the sigh I thought I’d barely released.

‘Very. The show is a lot of pressure. I’ve got money going out I don’t normally have because I haven’t had the time to do everything myself lately. I had to hire Jake to help unload orders at my mom’s. I’m paying him in beer, but still.’

‘I can always help.’

‘You’re doing plenty.’

Suddenly she gasps as though she’s got a great idea. ‘You know what you should do?’

‘What?’

‘Blow off some steam.Notwith Celeste. I don’t love her. But I’m going out with Mercy tonight, and the apartment will be all yours. You should call Sydney. I feel bad about almost poking her with a lightsaber. Not to mention interrupting your booty call.’

I drop my head momentarily before lifting it and looking out at the ocean. I haven’t even thought about Sydney since that night. My mind is all Hollyn.

‘I promise I won’t come home and assault her,’ she says. ‘I could even stay at Mercy’s for a night if you want. I’m sure her brother wouldn’t mind.’

‘No,’ I say quickly, startling her.

The last thing I want is for her to find another place to stay. Eventually, I’llhaveto face my feelings head-on, but the timing just isn’t right yet.

‘Text Sydney!’ she insists. ‘I hate seeing you so stressed. Don’t stop being yourself on account of me suddenly infiltrating your life. I’m cool with it.’

‘Can I be honest?’

I have to at least hint at what’s going on inside. If I don’t, my heart might explode. I need to know I’m not just another annoying little brother to her before these feelings become so huge that I crash like I did when she left.

‘Yeah.’

‘Us talking on the roof the other night, hanging out at your mom’s, then all this; it reminds me of when we were close as teens. We always had fun together, even without your brother, and I want to spend more time with you. That’s why I haven’t been lady hunting lately.’

‘You want to spend more time withme?’

I nod, looking back out at the ocean nervously. ‘I want to be…’ I stop, glancing back at her and seeing the nervousness on her face. I can’t tell her yet. She’s not ready. ‘Friends again. I want to be friends again, Hols.’

God, I am a fucking coward.

‘I want that too. You don’t want the old me back, though, trust me. I was a total jerk, only ever focused on my own feelings. I didn’t see it then, but I do now.’

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