Page 70 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Big boy? I just lost some respect for her.

‘I got another guy interested, so what are you thinking?’

‘Someone else is interested?’ I ask as Brynn moves behind Kevin’s back, shaking her head frantically and mouthing words I can’t make out.

Kevin glances back at her, following my line of sight. She goes still as a statue, plastering on a grin.

‘He called a few days ago; we’ve been discussing things via email, and last night he offered me ten grand over asking.’

Brynn motions a phone with her hand, holding it to her head while pointing at herself.

OK. I’m not reading her cues. ‘What is the asking price?’

‘One eighty.’

Oneeighty? A few weeks ago, it was one sixty-five. What a prick. I shove my hands in my pockets. How the hell can I come up with that much?

‘Tell ya the truth, Kevin, I’m still about two months from where I’d need to be financially. Not sure the place is worth—’

‘What if he gave you ten grand cash right now?’ Brynn cuts me off, blurting out the one card I had to play. Smooth.

The shop’s front doors bang open, and Jake walks in wearing a beret and a fake mustache.What.In.The.Hell?Please, God, tell me this is not her grand plan.

‘You Kevin?’ Jake asks loudly, looking me up and down like he’s not impressed. He winks as he gets closer as though I haven’t recognized him yet.

Did they forget we’re all grown-ups here? They’re going to blow this.

‘Jeremy?’ Kevin asks, extending a hand his way.

He gets a greeting, but I’m somehow invisible? This guy’s a super douche. Every time we talk, he acts like I’m nothing but a pain in his ass, but Jake walks in wearing an obvious bad disguise, and hebuysit? Maybe I’ve been trying too hard?

Jeremy?I mouth.

Jake shrugs.

‘The place ain’t in great shape,’ Jake says to Kevin. ‘I’m not seeing one sixty-five worth of building here, if I’m honest. What’s it appraised at?’

He toldhimone sixty-five? This guy’s a real piece of work.

Kevin rocks back on his heels, his hands shoved in his pockets. ‘It’s appraised low, needs some work, but has potential. Right on Main Street and windows for days.’ He waggles his finger around the room, towards the windows. ‘Those windows are good for business.’

Jake shrugs, not giving Kevin a smidgen of approval. ‘Let’s be straight, Kev. Single paned windows aren’t good for anyone. It’ll cost a fortune to heat the place and even more to replace them. The shop hasn’t been updated since the seventies. You realize how long ago that was? Nearly fifty years, Kevin. Count ’em.’ He uses his fingers to count by tens until he reaches fifty.

‘I guess it’s been a while,’ Kevin says with a nod.

‘When’s the last time an electrician was in here? These outlets are all two prongs. How do you expect me to run a business with four two-prong outlets?’ Jake’s now wandering the room, pointing out the things that are wrong.

‘And what are those?’ He glances to the ceiling. ‘Water stains? Probably needs a new roof.’ He shakes his head, clearly disappointed. ‘The stairs out front are crumbling. It needs paint, desperately, and not only exterior.’

‘Just the mortar needs repairing with the stairs is all. I’m pretty certain these ceiling stains are old.’

‘Are they fifty years old, Kev?’ Jake bellows. ‘You seriously trying to sell a place being just “pretty certain”?’

Kevin doesn’t answer, but his face grows harder if that’s possible. Brynn waves my way to get my attention, giving me two thumbs as if this is going well. I’ll give her the fact that it’s entertaining, but that’s it.

‘What’s with the bars on the windows? Looks like a damn jail cell in here. We’re in the burbs, Kev, not New York City. Removing them will cost a pretty penny. Then what the hell do I do with them? I mean, come on, Kevin. There’s not any curb appeal. You ain’t selling a house here.’

‘I – uh,’ Kevin mumbles to himself.

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