Page 82 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

‘I did say that.’ He nods, now making himself comfortable on one of the barstools opposite the island from me. ‘It wasn’t a lie.’

‘Do you – uh,still?’ I ask. ‘Love me?’

He drops his head, glancing up with only his eyes. Oh, sweet smoldering sex appeal. Don’t do that.

‘I don’t know,’ he says. ‘That’s kind of what I knocked on your door to talk to you about.’

‘Go on then,’ I say, growing impatient.

‘Well,’ he says with a slight chuckle. ‘I feel something. For you.’ He lifts a shoulder. ‘But—’

Crap. There’s a but. Ofcoursethere’s a but! I wouldn’t be me ifsomethingdidn’t go awry.

‘But you regret it,’ I say for him. ‘OK.’ I sigh heavily. ‘I get it. I’m fresh out of a terrible relationship that has so many unresolved loose ends I hardly know where to start. And I’m a terrible person, but I’mreallytrying to change that. That said, nobody –nobody– haseverkissed me like that.Ever. I’ve spent most of the night doing more fantasizing than thinking, so I have no idea what to do.’

He grins as he listens to me speak, nodding his head when he decides I’m done. ‘I can tell by the incessant talking that you’re going to read extra meaning into every word I say, so I’ll choose my words wisely.’ He pauses, gazing into my eyes in a way he shouldn’t if he wants me present during this conversation. ‘Maybe we shouldn’t take that next step. Not right now anyway.’

My face drops. I’ve never been able to hide disappointment.

‘You’re upset,’ he says nervously. ‘I didn’t saynever, Hols. I just said right now. You have no idea how hard this boundary is for me to make. I want this. You. It’s all I’ve ever wanted. But I have to focus onBattle of the Blossomsright now, and me diving into a romance with you won’t help me do that.’

‘I know,’ I mumble. I’d say something else to prove it’s not a big deal, but it feels like a big deal for my heart.

‘What can I say to help you not overthink this?’

Why is he so perfect?!I scream the words in my head. He’s way more grown-up than I am. A real old soul while I feel brand new at life every day. I lower my chin, my bottom lip firmly gripped between my teeth.

‘Besidesthat—’

‘All I’m saying is that we clearly have chemistry, and if you need to get it out of your system or clear your head or whatever, I’m game.’

‘I can’t just get you out of my system, as romantic as that sounds. Iwantto, so please, don’t misread this. But I – I just…’

I’ve embarrassed him. He’s tripping over his words, his cheeks growing pinker by the second.Fix it, Hols!

‘Pretend I didn’t just say that,’ I say suddenly, trying desperately to save whatever this is. ‘I do have a few questions that may ease my overloaded head. And probably my overheating loins.’

‘Go.’

‘Didyouthink it was a good kiss? Like, you’ve had a crush on me a long time. I imagine you’ve thought of it. Did it live up? Or was it just blah compared to your many lady friends?’

‘Surpassed any daydream I’ve ever had.’

That’s not terrible. ‘But did youfeelanything?’

‘I felt a lot of things. Yes.’

‘Good things?’

‘Very,verygood things, Hols,’ he says. ‘Anything else?’

‘How far do you think it may have gone had Riv not showed up?’

‘I think we’d be having a very different conversation right now.’ He gazes at me with those smoldering eyes again. ‘Let me askyoua question,’ he says, suddenly turning the tables on me. ‘Do you really think you’re in a place where us taking this’ – he motions between us – ‘to the next level wouldn’t add to your current problems?’

He just had to go and askthatquestion? ‘It would make me crazy. I’m not gonna lie.’

‘That’s what I thought.’

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