Page 85 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

Over the next hour, we dismantle part of an H (for Hollyn, I assume; how freaking cute is that?) and redo the floral wall. A C sits happily in the center when we’re done. The bride seems happy, and we still have time to finish the reception centerpieces. I’ve already done most of them, so Dax has no problem knocking out the small ones much faster than I could. Only minor damage is done internally, mostly to my heart. I’m feeling big things for Dax and noticing everything. He’s right, none of those feelings will make this easier, but how do we avoid them now that they’re out there?

21

DAX

The Next Day – AtBattle of the Blossom’s Filming…

‘Dax and Allie,’ Jillian says, now standing in front of the two of us.

She’s already talked with Celeste and Leo, so I know what she’s about to say. Having to stand here for ten minutes, in front of Hollyn, knowing that we both probably know my fuck-up may land us in Jillian’s predicted bottom two might have been the most torment I’ve felt in all my life if it wasn’t for the situation I’ve now gotten myself into with her.

I can’t quit thinking about her. Last night I found myself staring at her while we watched TV, half tempted to go back on everything I’d said earlier. Instead, we came up with a compromise. We’d sit close on the couch, but no kissing. When it got too tempting, we disappeared to our own rooms for the night and spent hours texting instead.

‘I’m sorry to say that the two of you are in our bottom two this week,’ Jillian continues.

I drop my head towards the ground. Allie lets out a squeak. The bottom two. It sounds so much worse than I expected. This is precisely what Hollyn was afraid of when she signed up for this gig. Way to go me. I just had to go and tell her I loved her.

‘Allie, you were in our bottom two last week as well. Unfortunately, I’m not sure you’ll make it through this week. Of course, the fans could get those votes in and surprise me again.’

I glance over at her, giving her a sympathetic look. It’s either her or me. I don’t want it to be me. Sorry, Allie.

‘I’m most surprised to see you here, Dax.’ Jillian stops in front of me. ‘You won the first challenge by a long way. I really thought you’d float through this competition like you’d done it before. Walk me through what happened yesterday?’

I glance at Hollyn, completely ashamed of myself. She looks as upset as I am. Like it’s her fault. That makes it even worse.

We’re in San Francisco today. We talked about what I would say if this came up on the plane ride over. I knew I’d probably have to address my mistake since they have it on film, but I haven’t even tried to tell River what’s up with me and his sister, and the last thing I need is him figuring it out via a YouTube show with the rest of the world. He won’t take that well.

‘My personal life kind of took over my head yesterday. It tripped me up before I even began.’

This is precisely why I decided early on not to let anything happen with Hollyn. I need to win this to buy the shop, and getting into a relationship will definitely not help me do that.

‘You made a mistake?’ Jillian asks.

‘Many,’ I say with a laugh. ‘But one giant one nearly sunk me. I didn’t double-check an order; my head was on another planet and I realized partway through that I’d created the wrong initial on my flower wall.’

Celeste gasps. ‘Oh no,’ she whispers, not entirely under her breath.

‘Thank you, Celeste. It was exactly that humiliating.’ I attempt to lighten the mood by laughing at myself. ‘I never expected to be standing here at all. When I found out my cousin had applied for the show, I was dealing with another unexpected event in my personal life.’

Don’t look at Hollyn. There’s no way she doesn’t know you’re talking about her.

‘I should have been able to separate the two and be the professional I am, but I couldn’t do that yesterday.’

‘You think maybe you’re being a little hard on yourself?’ Jillian asks.

‘Yes,’ Hollyn says in a near whisper.

‘We all make mistakes, Dax,’ Jillian continues, ignoring Hollyn altogether. ‘The fact that you learned a lesson from it will serve you well in the future.’

‘Maybe.’

‘The viewers love you two, so who knows what might happen,’ Jillian says, giving me a bit of hope.

Being in the bottom two wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t want so badly to make sure Hollyn sees me in the best light possible. Like a kid in love, I want to impress her but I feel like I’ve just let us both down.

* * *

Moments Later…

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