Page 94 of He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

She laughs under her breath. ‘Many times. We’re all a mess, Hols. Every one of us flies by the seat of our pants until something feels right, then we follow that path until it fucks us over. It’s the circle of life.’

‘Biblical.’

She nods. ‘I’m sorry I looked through your phone. I wasn’t trying to snoop into your life, I just wanted to help with the Tristan thing because something seems off and you never want to talk about it. When I did, I noticed some stuff. If I didn’t say anything, what kind of best friend would I be?’

‘Well I suppose I love you for that. But—’

‘But,’ she interrupts me, ‘you can’t keep entertaining this idea that eventually, Tristan will somehow turn into Prince Charming and beg to have you back. As for Vicki, well, she was never your friend to begin with. You gotta let them go.’

I know she’s right about everything, especially that last part. Neither of them ever had my best interests at heart. It was always about whattheywanted. I see it now. I need to tell Mercy everything. I’m no better a friend than Victoria if I don’t.

‘Ready for the truth?’

‘Say it.’

‘Tristan stole over ninety grand from me.’

‘What?’

I nod, completely ashamed. ‘That’s why I’m keeping the lines of communication open. I’m trying to get it back without involving my parents.’

‘Hols—’

‘Come on,’ I say. ‘You know how fragile our relationship is. I can’t bother them with this. I should be able to handle it. I’m twenty-nine.’

‘So, what, you’re just going to talk to him until he finally gives back the money? Cause I think that’s a bit of a fantasy.’

‘There’s something else too,’ I say, dropping my head. ‘I know you warned me about this, but I don’t see him how you see him.’

‘See who?’

‘Dax.’ I glance up at her. ‘He’s not who you think he is. He’s better, good in a way I’ve never experienced. The way he looks at me. We have fun together without even trying and he makes me feel safe. I think I’m falling for him, Merc. And I can’t stop it. I don’t want to stop it.’

She’s silent, her eyes as wide as I’ve ever seen them.

‘We kissed,’ I continue. ‘He kissed merealgood and I don’t regret any of it.’

‘You kissedDax?Why?’

‘Why?’ I ask with a laugh. ‘Besides the fact that he’s the sweetest, funniest, smartest, best-looking man on the planet?’

She stares at me as if she doesn’t understand.

‘He told me, Merc.’

‘Told you what?’

I can’t believe she’s going to play this off like she doesn’t know. I know she does. Dax said so. ‘How long have you known he had feelings for me?’

She rears her head back as though she’s stunned by my question but I know her better than that.

‘If you want the truth from me, you gotta give it in return, Mercy.’

Finally, she drops her head with a sigh. ‘Fine,’ she says. ‘I suspected it all through high school but I found out for sure right after you left. He was in the beginning phase of his “glow-up”.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘He’d been acting so weird. Broken-hearted. I didn’t get it because he’d never even had a girlfriend.’ She shrugs her shoulders. ‘River blurted it out. Apparently, Dax was depressed for a long time. I think he even tried seeing a therapist. He was never the same. Went from the dorky Dax we all knew and loved to the bearded dreamboat he is now. I thought it was just a stupid childhood crush. Kind of figured he’d grow out of it, ya know? Obviously, he’d have a crush on the girl next door. You were always around. Once we were out in the real world, I thought it would fade. But it never did.’

‘Mercy, I didn’t know, not even when we were in high school. I thought we were just friends.’

‘My god, you’re bad at reading signals from people, Hols. I thought you just weren’t interested. How could you not have seen it? The stupid star watching. You telling him about your anxiety late at night. He drove you to school every day during our senior year. You two were always paired up on shifts at the record store. I’d try to change the schedule, and it’d be changed back.’

---