This time I can’t hold back a laugh. ‘Laying it on a little thick there, aren’t ya? You going to hang the moon for me next?’
‘I could probably build a really big ladder. I got a lotta change in the bank.’
I roll my eyes playfully. Time to steer this boat into serious-ville. ‘All I’ve done for two weeks is overthink all this,’ I say. ‘I need to talk. Only the person I want to talk to is you. But, warning, it’s about you.’
‘About me or not, please never stop talking to me. I craved hearing your voice so much I listened to your voicemail a couple dozen times—’
‘Forty-seven,’ I say. I counted. With each ring another piece of my heart dropped to its death.
‘Then I called your sister. You may not look identical, but your voices are. About killed me.’ He dramatically grabs his chest.
‘I talked to Bianca yesterday and she didn’t tell me you called.’
‘I asked her not to. I didn’t want you to think I was pathetic.’
I sigh, staring into his eyes. He’s sweet and maddening all at once. I can actually see why a network might think he’d be entertaining.Ion the other hand amnotTV material. Nobody wants to watch a girl eat an entire bag of SkinnyPop popcorn while reading a book about love for eight hours straight.
Wait a second, he missed me but also asked my sister to keep a secret from me? How many more secrets are there? Or will there be by the time this is all over?
‘I hate that you’re hiding things from me. That’s not you. Usually, you’re sweet and honest, and you hate upsetting me. Now you’re lying, scheming with your psycho family behind my back, and disappointing me like it’s your job.’
‘There was no scheming,’ he says, attempting to defend himself, but I’m not buying it.
‘I gotta ask, Will, is this the first big lie you’ve ever told me?’
‘Yes,’ he assures me. ‘I promise, there was no Adler-style scheming, Berx – at least not on my part. It just… I think…’ He stumbles over his thoughts. ‘The whole thing got away from me, and I didn’t know how to tell you because I didn’t want to let you down. I thought this would be an easy, quick way to make some money so we could get out from under my parents’ thumb. I want to take care of us, Berkley.Me. I don’t want my parents being more of a man than I am. But I swear, lesson learned. Trust me, baby, I’ll never lie to you again, and yes, I realize how ironic that wording is.’
Damn my heart for forcing through a smile. I sigh. Having no control over your heart is exhausting.
‘This is like, what, an inner struggle? Some kind of life quest your heart thinks you need?’
‘Well, you own my heart but my soul is telling me I need to make my own way. Create my own life. This is a way to do that and it seems fun. I’ll only live a few blocks away, and since you want no part of this, we can totally still see each other as much as we want.’
‘Or as little,’ I say, watching him frown.
‘The contracts are iron-clad. I fought with my parents about it that day at their house. The network owns my ass for at minimum two years. What if you don’t live there, but play the part of my on-screen girlfriend?’ he suggests. ‘Let’s show the whole world what true love really is, Berx.’
His adorable crooked smile right now. I can’t even. The man is going to break me.
Stay strong, Berx. Being a part of this would for sure ruin you. Think about all those failed reality stars attempting to resurrect themselves or worse yet, in jail. Ya don’t need that.
‘No. I’m not turning into the Kardashian family to boost your ego. This isyourthing. Mine is the bookstore and the apartment remodel I’m now the lone boss of.’
His brows squish together as he thinks. ‘How about… youdon’tbe a part of the show, but you’re still my behind-the-scenes girlfriend?’
I burst out a disbelieving laugh. ‘Behind the scenes? You really have lost your mind, haven’t you? Will, that implies there will be a different on-screen girlfriend. No. Break-up still on.’
He glares playfully, or maybe painfully.
‘You know that feeling you have right now?’ I ask, poking his chest. ‘That’s the guilt of making a decision without even asking my opinion. Who knows? Maybe I’d have been on board. But instead, you sinned first and asked for forgiveness later. That doesn’t work for me, Will. What will you fail to tell me while you’re living this life? How much stuff will I find out along with the rest of the world? My heart can’t do it. This is already life-changing and I got absolutely no opinion on it.’
‘It’s not just guilt,’ he says, now holding my hand to his chest. ‘I miss you. I honestly don’t know who I am without you.’
‘Well, maybe now is a good time for us to figure that out? I mean, who really ends up with their first love anyway?’ I ask, my heart sinking through my chest like a rock tossed into a pond. ‘Maybe we need a two-year break and after we can meet up for coffee and see if what we thought was love really is.’
We stare into one another’s eyes – I hate that this hurts so much.This!! Sucks!! Will!!How could you do this?!?That’s what I want to scream at him if you were wondering if I’m at all mad about this. I am. For the record – I’m pissed. But broken-hearted trumps pissed. Then there’s the fact that love doesn’t just go away; it’s part of why it’s one of the most painful emotions of them all. It lingers long past its arrival.
‘You don’t want to talk to me for two years?’ he asks, his voice rising with each word.