“Well, you know, starting a new career and life as a civilian is a challenge.” What the hell was she doing? As if he didn’t know what the challenges were.
“No, this is different. For example, you left the Sanctuary mission a few weeks ago and never said goodbye. You just vanished.”
A stab of regret hit her heart. “I’m sorry. I had to get home.” Her boobs had sprayed all over the inside of her wetsuit. It’s not like she could’ve whipped out the breast pump in front of a bunch of guys.
“I’m not trying to pry, babe, but is your mother alright?”
“Of course, Arlene’s good.” Liz squirmed a little in her seat.
“Okay, just making sure.” He took a sip of water, keeping his eyes on her face. “Do you remember when I proposed a couple years ago?”
Her pulse quickened. “Yes, of course.” She’dneverforget. In front of the Eiffel Tower, on bended knee, with holiday lights twinkling in the background. A stolen weekend rendezvous when they’d both had a five-day-leave and scored cargo plane jump-seats from their opposite locations.
He stroked her ring finger gently as he spoke. “And you saidnot right now because you wanted me to take some time, see if I found a woman who didn’t want kids.” He leaned back and set his palms on the table. “Well, I’m done looking around.”
“Oh?” Her stomach soured. She stared at his hand when he slid it across the table and laced his fingers with hers again.
“Look at me, Liz, please,” he said in a low voice.
Crap. Oh damn.He was going to let her down gently. Her cheeks burned hot again. He must’ve met someone. Why on earth had she ever suggested that he look around?
“Babe, I met a girl…”
She knew it.She glanced toward the entrance of the restaurant, judging how long it would take her to get out the door and bolt. She needed air. “Okay, I kind of figured you would. I don’t need to know the details, Nick.”
“You’re interrupting, babe.” His index finger guided herface back in his direction. “As I was saying, I met a girl my junior year in high school, and she is the only woman I’ve ever wanted.”
Liz shook her head. “What did you say?”
“It’s always been you. I don’t want anybody else. I don’t think about anyone else. I’ve tried it your way. They’re not you.” His fingers caressed the palm of her hand.
Wow. She inhaled a huge breath and relaxed a fraction. “I wasn’t expecting that.”
“I know we’re at an impasse about the kids thing. You want them. I don’t. But I’d be willing to consider adoption, maybe down the road. As long as the kid doesn’t have my blood. It’s a concession I’m willing to make to build a life with you. Please work with me on this, babe.”
Nick’s eyes were so sincere and his touches unbearably tender. She opened her mouth but words escaped her. It was probably just as well. Until he knew about Ella, any response would be a lie. She nodded. This was a huge step for him.
His brows furrowed. “You know why I don’t want to pass on my genes to anyone. It’s not fair to the kid. You were there that night,” he whispered hoarsely. He pulled his hand from hers and scrubbed his face.
She reached across the table, setting her hand on his forearm. “Yes, I was. No family should end that way.” She’d stood with him as the EMTs wheeled his mother out on a gurney and the police arrested his father for homicide. Nick had been only seventeen. “But that doesn’t mean you’ll do the same thing.”
“To you? Of course not. I’m not worried about hurting you. You’d shoot me first.” A small smile crossed his lips. “I couldn’t forgive myself if I hurt a kid. I mean, some of that hasgot to be genetic. I’d rather die than pass on that monster’s DNA.”
Her sexy, battered warrior.His emotional injuries weren’t as obvious as her foot. But they were there, and like her, he’d learned to compensate and set boundaries.
“The kids in Iraq didn’t even approach me. I can’t say I blame them.”
“Nick, we didn’t want the kids in Iraq to approach us. We never knew which of them carried a grenade and would pull the pin.”
He nodded. “It didn’t stop some of my crew from giving them candy and treats. But not me.”
She traced a vein on his forearm with the pad of her finger. “That doesn’t make you a bad guy, just a prudent one.”
He reached across the table and touched her cheek. “You know, after Paris, I was willing to do anything to be with you. I tried to have the vasectomy reversed.”
Excuse. Me. What?
Her coffee lurched down the wrong pipe, and Liz choked. “No kidding,” she said when she could speak again.