Page 45 of Careless Whisper

“I’m tired of having to prove myself to people who should already know who I am.” I put a hand on the doorknob. “You say you care about me? Then act like it.”

“I do,” he beseeched.

“Not enough,” I whispered and slammed the door in his face.

Then, I turned into Luther’s arms and cried some more.

CHAPTER 16

Elias

“Where is she?” I asked Luther.

Reggie’s name was not on the board, and I hadn’t seen her all morning. After how she’d looked in her apartment, unease clawed at my insides, and I felt a foreboding chill that whispered something was amiss.

Luther didn’t even bother to look up from the monitor. “On leave,” he replied, his words clipped.

She wasn’t here? It shouldn’t mean anything, but it did, because she’d been weak, drowning, and broken. I’d seen her this way once before when it all went down in Boston, and seeing her again like thatafterhow strong she’d been no matter what was thrown at her made me feel guilty.

I had told Maren to lay off Reggie and let her do her job, but I knew my friend, and now she’d made an official complaint that seemed reasonable enough tome. Dr. Lee, an anesthesiologist who worked extensively with doctors in the cardiology department, didn’t see it like that, though.

“Reggie is a damn good nurse, but between you and your new attending, seriously, Dr. Graham, I don’t understand what you’re looking for. Perfection? Doesn’t exist.” Dr. Lee caught up with me in my office, saying he wanted to bring up some concerns with regard to Maren’s behavior. “She’s rude to Reggie, treats her…damn disrespectfully. It reminds me of how you treated her when you got here. Is this some kind of hazing ritual I’ve missed? If we lose Reggie, we’re not going to be able to replace her. You know, it’s not easy to hire nursing staff that qualified.”

I assured Dr. Lee that I’d look into it, and I was trying to by first talking to Reggie to get facts, but she wasn’t there. Her absence suddenly felt like a thunderous void, not just someone taking a day off. Was Dr. Lee right? Had I finally driven her away?

What business did I have fucking her life up like this? I should never have come to Seattle knowing she was here. It was arrogance that made me think,well if she doesn’t like it, she can leave. It was easy to feel like that when I hadn’t seen Reggie, but from the moment I saw her and spent time with her, I was reminded of the woman she used to be and still was—kind, compassionate, and amazing.

“Why would she be on leave?” I blurted, disbelief lacing my tone. I needed to talk to Reggienow. Damnit, I’d have to go back to her apartment, and there, she could avoid me by telling her concierge to kick me out.

“She’s got a lot of PTO! Hasn’t taken a day off for years. So, she took her ten days. Cindy approved it. She’sgone,” Luther stated as he typed, still not looking at me.

“Where did she go?” I asked as I fought to suppress the tidal wave of emotions crashing within me—panic mingled with an unexpected shame.

Ihaddriven Reggie away!

“I’m not her travel agent. Dr. Graham.” Finally, Luther looked at me—insolently.

“She didn’t mention anything to me,” I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

“Why would she?” Luther responded harshly.

He was right, and the truth of it stung.

“You have no idea where she is?” I knew I was pleading. I couldn’t help it.

“She’s not in her apartment,” Luther warned, “So, don’t go looking for her there. You did enough damage yesterday. Leave her alone, Dr. Graham. Between you and your fiancée…I’mthisclose to resigning if this is the kind of culture you want to have in your department.”

Fuck! Maren had been here eight weeks, and she was already causing problems. Attendings had complained about how she treated nurses and people below her. Nurses were complaining. I needed to deal with her.

“Dr. Graham,” Cindy called out to me as I checked the board to see where Maren was right now.

“Cindy.” She looked exhausted, her eyes shadowed, weary lines etching into her face. “Everything okay?”

She gritted her teeth. “Heard you were asking about Reggie. She’s on leave. I approved it.”

“Ten days, Cindy, while we’re struggling already?” I protested, barely concealing my frustration.

“She requested it; Dr. Graham and I, as a rule, don’t dictate when my people want to take the time they’ve earned,” she replied, irritated. This wasn’t the Cindy I knew, who was always stoic.

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