Page 99 of Deliverance

“I’m on a psych hold, aren’t I?”

“I mean, B. You tried to kill yourself. You almost did. Yeah, you’re on a psych hold, babe.”

Tears spring to my eyes at her words, somehow making them feel so much more real. I did. I really did try to kill myself. Just from the sound of it, if Maggie hadn’t found me, I probably would have succeeded. That feels like divine intervention, whether it be a cruel punishment or a blessing, I haven’t quite decided.

A figure rushes into the room like a blur, his signature ‘scent’ trailing in with him.

“Bridgey! What happened? Are you okay? Maggie just told me you were here, and I came as fast as I could. Are you hurt?” Brad rambles, his eyes panicked and wide despite being glossy and red rimmed.

“Please don’t tell me you drove here like that,” I say as I gesture to him, blinking away my tears as discreetly as I can manage.

“Fuck no. I got a ride. Enough about me, though. What happened?” he asks.

“I’ll give you two some privacy,” Maggie says as she heads for the door.

“You don’t have to go,” I say softly.

Please don’t go.

She gives me a tight smile. “I’ll just be out the door. Maryia has been trying to call me for a bit.”

My heart sinks at that. Right. Maryia. Her girlfriend.

Maggie slips out the door, shutting it behind her as I slowly bring my eyes back to Brad. He’s watching me with an intense amount of concern. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this concerned about anything…ever, really.

Closing my eyes, I blow out a soft breath.

“I took a handful of oxy in my dorm.”

“Bridgey,” Brad admonishes with a sigh. “You’re smarter than to fuck around with opioids. Weed is a way better vice to stick to. It’s natural, you can’t overdose and?—”

“I wasn’t trying to get high, Bradley,” I bite out, taking another breath before meeting his eyes.

He looks confused for a moment before understanding enters his eyes.

“I wanted to…I tried to….”

“No,” he rasps hollowly with a shake of his head. “No,” he says as he stands up and begins pacing the room. He digs his fingers into his thick hair, shaking his head rapidly before turning to me.

“No, I refuse to believe it. You wouldn’t do that to me, to yourself. You wouldn’t abandon me in this life. You’re all I have left, Bridge. I know we haven’t been that close since I moved out, and I know that’s on me. I can change, though. I’ll stop smoking weed. I’ll move back into the house. I’ll figure something out. I just…tell me this is a prank or intervention or some shit?” he asks.

I don’t speak, and his face crumples as he shakes his head.

“Bridgette, what the fuck,” he chokes out. “You were gonna leave me? Leave Maggie?”

“I don’t know what to say,” I whisper.

“Say anything, an explanation why you tried to take my baby sister from me would be great,” he snarks, but there is no heat to his words. Only pain.

“Because I’m dying, Brad,” I say with blurry eyes, my throat tightening with every word. “On the inside, every day, every moment. Death seemed more welcoming than my next breath. I made a choice and…”

And nothing. I don’t know how to feel about it. I don’t know how to feel about being here at this moment. I haven’t decided what would have truly been the preferred outcome. I’m so…lost.

A knock comes from the door and Brad takes a deep sniff, wiping at his eyes as a doctor steps inside. She has a kind smile as she moves towards me carefully, like I’m a wild animal.

“Hello, Bridgette. I’m Dr. McCarthy. Is it alright if I sit with you for a bit?”

Shrink is here.

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