Page 140 of As the Rain Falls
I don’t understand why it’s so important to him, why he needs me to say Ilikedit. Does it absolve him from the guilt of hurting me? How could he ever think that way?
I just want to live my life without this weight on my shoulders. I want to graduate, go to college, meet new friends, and do something good with myself. I want to be a good daughter and a good person.
Why can’t he just let me be? Why does he have to constantly make things more difficult for the both of us?
Sometimes, I really wish he’d just go away. Vanish to another planet. An airplane flew above my head earlier while I was walking to Sainte Madeleine’s main building, and I caught myself relating to the main character of this book I’ve been reading.
Astrid Jones is pulling tricks on me, I swear. Like, I literally started mentally asking the passengers inside of it how to get rid of someone I am starting to hate. Isn’t it crazy? I feel so fucking insane.
You could kill him.
No.
That’d be cruel, and I’m not a cruel person. I can’t be.
“Well, the door isalwaysopen,” she emphasizes, her voice gentle. “You’re family, Cassandra. Don’t ever forget that.”
“I won’t,” I promise, just as quiet.
***
“Olivia thinks Mom likes you more than she likes us,” Kayla says, twirling in one of my skirts. It’s long and blue, nearly reaching my ankles when I’m wearing it. “She gets so bitter whenever you’re around.”
“Is that why she ignored me in the car?” I adjust my mirror to apply mascara. “Your sister is nuts.”
Olivia Saint-Louis has never liked me.Not when we were kids, not when I started sleeping over, not now. She thinks I’m spoiled and annoying, and she never ever forgets to mention it.
I put up with it because I know just how much Kayla idolizes her. Besides, I’m not friends with Olivia. As long as Kayla and her parents like me, why should I care if she doesn’t?
Some girls, I swear.
There’s no winning them over.
“I mentioned Caleb kissing you, and you know what she said?” I shake my head, and Kayla rolls her eyes. “That she hopes Maria finds out.”
I grimace. “What the fuck is her issue?”
“A bit much, right?” She sits on the edge of my bed, picking up my pink dress and smoothing a wrinkle over. “She claims you’re helping him cheat.”
“They’re not even together.”
“That’s what I said!”
“She’s just so extreme. Like, I don’t even take itthatpersonally because she does that to everybody, right? Remember what she said to Alice?”
It should’ve been a protective gesture, but she’d taken it a little too far by mentioning the fact that Alice is adopted. Her birth mother is, like, the number one topic people can’t mention. It truly gets her so upset.
“I never agreed with that.” Kayla bites her lip, sounding a little conflicted. “I told Alice, but I don’t think she will ever forgive me.”
Understandable, considering Kayla never defended her in the moment when it happened. I’d have a hard time forgiving her, too. Especially with their history.
“I get that she’s your sister, you know,” I say, trying to fix the clumped lashes. “But why does she feel the need to go this hard? No one’s trying to steal her spot, or something.”
Kayla shakes her head. “It’s not about that. Olivia has her issues, and…”
I cut her off, placing my mirror back on the vanity. “What happens whenyoumake a mistake? It’s not like Alice is the only one dishing it, right?”
Flaunting her crowns. Making light of her achievements. Kayla is a much better dancer than Alice is, and she won’t let the other girl forget it. They always toe the line between competing against each other for the sport and competing against each other just to put the other down.
