Page 255 of As the Rain Falls
“No!”
My fingers close around nothing, and I let out a scream.
“You want to kill me, Cassandra?” he laughs close to my ear, arm around my neck, strangling me. “After everything I did to keep us together?”
My mind splinters, flashbacks of Lucia’s body being dragged by the police, cold and lifeless. They couldn’t even expose herlower half at her funeral. Her legs and part of her arms were cut, completely destroyed by all the wreckage.
Nathaniel was part of the rescue team.
He was the one to make the call.
He was the one to claim to havefoundher.
Nobody connected the pieces together.
They had no reason to.
But I can’t help but ask myself every night before I go to sleep the most obvious question: how long did he take to call for help while trying to make sure she was no longer breathing?
“Let me go!” I struggle, trying to turn around to scratch him. His other hand circles my neck, and I start choking as I’m dragged back to the living room. “Stop!”
Nathaniel shakes me up, forcing me to stop scratching his hand. “Sit down!”
I obey, wanting him to let me go. He watches me as I try to catch my breath, coughing compulsively.
“I’ll… I’ll scream!” I promise. “If you take off my clothes, I’ll scream! Everyone will find out. Everyone will know!”
Nathaniel laughs, amused. “You’ll scream?”
He leans over me, his mouth pressing a kiss against the side of my face as he adds, his breath hot, choppy lips moving against my sensitive skin.
“Go ahead, Cassandra.”
I glance at my feet hopelessly, my hands curling into tight fists that I try to throw at him. I haven’t done my nails in weeks. I’m unkempt, unraveling. All the pieces of me are scattering far away from each other, and I have no one to pick them up.
“Come on, scream!” he yells and nudges me against him, taunting me. “What? Scared no one will come to save you? Are you going to cry?”
I do start crying.
Loud, choppy sobs. My life is a mess. My life is a nightmare. No one should be put in a position where they have to save me. I know I’m supposed to do it myself, but how can I? How can I put myself back together when everything hurts?
He’s just so much stronger than I am. I feel his grip tightening around my neck again, the oxygen escaping me. It’s the most terrible feeling in the world.
I want to die.
Ijustwant to die.
“Thrilling.” He pulls me back again. “Look at you.”
“You’re sick!” I cough, my arms dropping to the sides of my body, spit dripping down my chin. “You’re so… so sick!”
“No, Cassie. I’m just so fuckingboredof you,” Nathaniel murmurs, sounding lost in thought now that he has me where he wants me to be. “At least, Lucia knew how to make things entertaining.”
I flinch, trying not to think about what he means by that. I was not the only person my brother was playing games with. Of course, I wasn’t. I’m not even good enough to protect her, to keep him away from anyone else he can hurt.
“But we’re going to watch this movie together, and I’ll feel better.”
You’re hurting me, I want to say.
