Page 320 of As the Rain Falls
“How? Why?” I follow up before she can question me. “Am I not supposed to admire what belongs to me?”
The fog in her gaze lifts, and I watch her slowly come back to me.
That’s my girl.
That’s the one.
“Please, Beckett!” she gasps a little too quickly. “Please, don’teverleave me!”
“Cassandra, hey…” I inhale a little too sharply too, not understanding wherethisinsecurity is coming from. I don’t get why she’s so scared of losing me.I’m falling for her. I wantnothingother than to keep her close. “You know I’ll stay. I’m not leaving you, baby.”
My blurry vision becomes clear again as the tears spill on my face, and she catches them with her thumb. I drag my thumbon the sides of her jawline too, pulling her body closer to mine, angling her face just right so I’m able to kiss her until she feels better.
I swallow the little broken sound she makes and the little gasps of pleasure that are only ever meant for my ears.
Nobody gets her like I do; none of them see her when she is like this, open and vulnerable.And I don’t want them to because she ismine.Mine to take care of, mine to protect, and I belong to her in return. I’m hers in every way there is, the only person she can be mean to.
“I’m not going anywhere.” I intertwine our fingers together. “I swear, baby. I’m going to stay no matter what.”
Cassandra starts sobbing again.
I can see the engines working in her brain, her trauma holding her hope back. I whisper the words again and again against her skin, letting each letter sink in, each syllable becoming tired from the overuse.
I’m going to love this girl until I am no longer.
“They could all leave,” I say, referring to the crowd of people outside this room. People we’ve known since forever. People who have an impression of her that’s so far from reality. They don’t know a single thing. “And I wouldn’t go anywhere, I promise.”
Green.
Cassandra’s eyes are clear most days, but they darken when she gets sad or angry. Right now, she looks somewhere between the two. I hate that she’s filled with so much hurt. I just want to take her pain away.
“You won’t?” she asks.
“I won’t.” I promise one last time.
“You know…” Cassandra presses my dimple with her finger, staring at me like I’m the only thing she could ever want. “Sometimes, I wish I’d waited a little longer.”
I intertwine our hands together again, keeping her close for reassurance but knowing what she means.Still, there’s a world of possibilities for us out there. I don’t want her to think we’re fated not to last just because we’re off to a rocky start. This year hasn’t been easy on either of us, but I still think we can make it.
As long as I’m with this girl, whatever happens, whatever they say is meaningless. Nobody needs to know what happens between us, how we patch things up when one of us breaks. The rest—honest to God—is just background noise.
“I wish I could have all my firsts with you.” She closes her eyes, looking pained. My breath catches when she emphasizes. “Onlyyou.”
“We will,” I promise, because if I can’t fix anything else, I can at least try to fix this. I can give her what they didn’t, and make her feel important and valued. I can make her feelloved, truly loved, just for once. “And I won’t let him hurt you ever again.”
She hiccups, “Caleb?”
What Caleb did to her isnothing. It’s barely just a scratch compared to what’s waiting for her to come home. I’m worried about what Nathaniel might do to her when I’m not looking.
I can’t help but picture the young girl next-door, the one with bows in her hair. How she beamed at me so cutely, telling me about all the houses around the neighborhood. That girl couldn’t hurt afly. She was sweet and innocent, and just a young little kid. I want to protect her so much. Keep her from all the pain and all the darkness that’s constantly surrounding her.
How Nathaniel could find it in himself to rape her, bring himself to manipulate her, manipulate her feelings towards him... I don’t understand it.
He taught her how to be someone weak just to hurt her and get away with it, playing with her mind until she stopped thinking about anything other than just surviving.
That’s all Cassandra ever does.
Surviving.
