Page 366 of As the Rain Falls
“I didn’t think you were.” She sighs, naturally conflicted. “Maria came by the other day, saying things about you. I told her to stop spreading rumors.”
“She wasn’t.” I shake my head. “I mean, it’s all true.”
Every bit of my bad reputation, I fed it.
“How…?” Kayla asks, reaching out to touch my hand. “How did it all happen?”
“I don’t know.”I’m at a loss for words. “Caleb was a bad idea.”
“I know,” she agrees with a wince. “I’m sorry. I sort of pushed you two together.”
“It’s not your fault, Kayla,” I say. “It’s totally on him.”
“Don’t be too hard on yourselves. Cassie, you did the right thing by dumping him in the end,” Angelina argues, always the voice of reason. “And Kayla, Caleb did the same thing to me, except no one found out.”
“Really?” Kayla gasps. “I still feel bad. I know I can’t, like, control everything. I’m notthatcrazy. But I’m the person who’s supposed to watch Cassandra’s back.”
“But you always do,” I add quietly. “I never, not even for a second, honestly doubted that. I’m the one who should feel sorry about not being there for you.”
She tenses, her eyes darting from Angelina’s face to mine.
“You’re a good friend to me, Cassie,” Kayla lies. I shake my head, knowing her better than I know myself. She hesitates before asking. “Is it because of him?”
Her question stings. “Kayla…”
“No, seriously. I have to ask. Are you secretly mad at me because of him?” She blinks hard, starting to look like she’s about to cry. “I won’t be upset if you are. I totally get it, and even Angelina can attest that.”
“Kayla.” I sit up, crossing my legs together. She does the same, facing me. “It’s not—”
“You know, I’ve spoken about this with Angie a few times because I felt too awful about it,” Kayla admits, sounding torn and vulnerable. “I don’t think you even noticed it, but when she came back from the hospital, and you two got close, I got a little jealous. It stopped after a while, of course. But you weren’t being very kind to me.”
I close my mouth shut, knowing my next words need to be chosen carefully. I don’t want to hurt her feelings even further than I already have.
“There’s just so much I haven’t told you, but I’ve been wanting to for a while. I haven’t been really honest with either of you.”
Her eyes go round with surprise. “Really? Us both? It’s not just… It’s not just me?”
A quiet silence falls among us, but it isn’t uncomfortable. Angelina leans into Kayla, resting her head on her shoulder and clinging to her arm. I quickly glance at our intertwined hands, and my heart aches a little.
No one has stood by me as long as Kayla has.
Why is it so hard to be honest?
Is it because I’m scared of pulling her down, or because I don’t want to feel humiliated once I tell her the whole truth?
“What’s going on, Cassandra?” she asks, sounding hurt. “You can trust us.”
“Yeah,” Angie agrees. “We’re your friends.”
“Things at home haven’t been good,” I reveal it quietly. “I can’t share everything right now because it’s too… it’s too much, and I don’t want today to be all about me, but…”
I shrug, feeling a tear slip out.
“If it weren’t for Beckett, I don’t know what I’d do.” I swallow hard.
Kayla’s expression softens again, though confusion still lingers. “Are you sure it’s not because you’re with him?”
“Beckett wouldn’t hurt her,” Angelina denies it before I can.
