Page 13 of Sunday

“Is that all that’s wrong with you?”

“Yeah. Just thinking about that merger project coming up and all that I need to do to prepare for it.”

“Speaking of which . . . We have that meeting tomorrow. I need to get my stuff in order.”

“Then I suggest you get to work.”

I gave Celine a false smile. Truthfully, I wanted to be alone with my thoughts and not have to pretend to listen to her chatter. Celine was my girl, and I loved her dearly, but I had problems of my own.

I immersed myself in work until around mid-morning. Cedar came through with a few of the other men who he worked with at our construction firm, including Shawn. The men spoke to me, including Shawn, but Cedar didn’t even glance my way.

That was unlike us. I watched as he headed into the chief architect’s office. Half an hour passed before he emerged again. When he took a left, I knew that he was going to the breakroom. And while I knew that I could wait until we got home, I had a sense that he wouldn’t go straight home tonight. This conversation couldn’t wait another minute.

I pushed back from my chair and stood, thankful that Celine’s nosy self was on a phone call. I beelined to the breakroom and was thankful when I spotted him there alone.

“Hey, are we good?”

He looked up from the bottled water he was drinking. Cedar’s eyes were large and guilty.

“Uhm, . . . yeah.”

“Why do you keep running from me when things happen, Cedar? Why can’t you just face me like a grown-ass man?”

His eyebrows scrunched down, and his nose wrinkled. He fisted the water bottle and crushed it with one hand. “Watch how you come at me, Sunny.”

“Watch how you treat me, Cedar.”

He shook his head and tossed the water bottle into the trash.

“This is what I was trying to avoid.”

“You don’t have to hide from me to avoid discussing your feelings. If you’re not trying to be bothered, then say that shit, Cedar. We’re grown. We live together, and we’ve been good friends for a long minute. We can still be homies, even if we aren’t homies with benefits. But you avoiding your own crib and moving around the job like you’re uncomfortable ain’t the plan for the day.”

“Is that what you think, Sunny?”

“It’s what you’re giving me, Cedar. What other conclusion could I possibly draw? I don’t want this to be awkward for us. If I had known this is what we were going to become, then I wouldn’t have initiated it. We work together and live together. You deserve to be comfortable, and so do I.”

He sighed and took a step closer to me. Cedar reached for me and then thought better of it. He crossed his large, muscular arms over his chest and clasped his hands on his biceps as if he didn’t trust himself not to touch me.

“My bad, Sunny. You’re right. My attitude, the way I’ve treated you after the kiss and then the other night . . .”

I shook my head and scoffed. “You can’t even bring yourself to say it, Cedar.”

“It’s not like that, baby girl. We’re here. That shit doesn’t need to reach anyone’s ears. Trust me, I’m always thinking about protecting you first, and if anyone found out and had anything to say, I swear I’d bust them in their shit.”

I bit my bottom lip, trying to stem the tears. “Did you ever consider that your actions were the most hurtful of all?”

“That’s exactly what I didn’t want. That is why I tried to stay away. Listen, Sunny, you’re a good girl, and hell yeah, I’m attracted to you. You turn me on, and I care about you a great deal. I just know that you deserve a nigga who’s gonna love you the right way. You need someone who’s gonna stand ten toes down for you and give you everything. Although I would standten toes down for you, I can’t give you everything. All the shit I’ve been through won’t even allow me to be in a relationship.

“I never should have let things go as far as they did. I’m the man, and that was my responsibility to protect you. I refuse to use you as a fuck buddy, because I respect you more than that, and you mean so much more than that to me. I wish I could be everything you want and the man you deserve, but I can’t be. I can’t give you my heart, li’l bit, because it don’t even exist anymore.”

My heart crumbled in my chest, but I forced a smile to my lips. “No, I get it. It wouldn’t be a good idea to get involved like that anyway. If things don’t work out, we still have to live and work together. I know that it wouldn’t be comfortable for either of us. I’m not trying to leave my job, and I know you aren’t either. Besides, I like my roommate, and I’m damn sure not trying to find another one of them.”

The smirk on his lips made my heart squeeze in my chest.

“Yeah, me either,” he replied and pinched my thumb between his index finger and thumb before he released it. “On a serious note, you deserved better than all that. I took it too far and took advantage of you.”

“No, you didn’t, Cedar. I was the one who pressed it.”

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