Page 14 of Sunday

“Yeah, but I knew better. I should’ve stopped it before it went too far, and I didn’t. I do care about you a lot, Sunny, but I’m not ready for a relationship. I don’t know if I ever will be.”

“I get it. You’re still guarded from what happened to your marriage, and you have every right to be.”

“I just find it hard to trust women.”

“It’s all good. Besides, I’m only twenty-five. I’m too young and beautiful to be settling down with your old ass.”

He laughed, walked up to me, and kissed my forehead.

“See you at home, Sunny.”

“Yeah, see you.”

I watched him go, and while I knew that I did want more from him, I also knew that Cedar was right. He already didn’t trust women, and I had some secrets of my own that I was not ready to share. Being involved with Cedar would require that I be open with him, and if not, he would look at me the same way he did Taylor. I couldn’t take that.

“Man, I can’t believe you watch this trash.”

“It’s not trash, Cedar. They’re looking for their one.” I fussed and shoved him in the shoulder.

“Their one for the night.”

I shoved his shoulder again, and he snickered as he turned his attention back to the TV show.

“I mean, who knows, they might actually find their true love and settle down.”

“I doubt it. How the hell do you come on a TV show and expect to find the person you’re gonna spend the rest of your life with? He doesn’t get to do anything with these broads but ask ’em a few questions that they’re probably lying off their asses about. He looks at ’em, see how fine they are, and how they react to him. Then it’s on from there? Get the fuck outta here,” Cedar commented and tossed a handful of homemade trail mix in his mouth.

I paused the TV before I started speaking.

“I mean, it can happen. Think about it. On a regular date, you got that date because you saw someone you were interested in. You know nothing about her other than that she looked good, she accepted the game you spit for three minutes or less, exchanged social media contacts, and y’all agreed to go on a date. You know nothing about that woman. The first date willallow you to have a basic conversation and find out if you want a second date. If you get to the second date, you learn a little more about each other. By the third date, you figure you either do or don’t like this person. If there’s a fourth date, you know you’re feeling them. But you don’t get that on the first meeting. So, how is this any different?”

Cedar dragged his hand down his face. “Or, you figure out that they’re not worth your time, but you do wanna get with them, so you fuck on the first date and then fuck around and find out that they ain’t your one.”

I rolled my eyes and pushed play on the TV remote. Cedar grabbed the remote and paused it again.

“So you’re telling me that you’d go on a TV show like this and find a date by snatching their flowers?”

“No. Every woman will have a single rose. If you’re not interested in her, you take her rose. You continue collecting the roses until you find the one woman you are interested in. You will hand her the bouquet at the end. If she’s not interested in you, then she can give you the roses back, hand them to someone else, throw them on the floor, or whatever floats her boat.”

“Yeah, but would you do it?”

“Well, no, but that’s because that’s not my flow.”

“Why not? Because it’s corny as hell, right?” I shrugged and then giggled when he shoved my shoulder. “Your ass knows I’m right.”

“Not really. I’m just not trying to have my business all on TV like that.”

“But you’ll look at someone else making a fool out of themselves.”

“It’s entertaining, Cedar. Shut up and watch the show.”

He un-paused it, and we resumed watching “Give Her, Her Flowers.”

He made little snide comments throughout the rest of the show. I leaned against his shoulder like I always did when we watched TV. I felt Cedar tense up for a minute, but I refused to move. If he wanted us to be the way we always had been, then that was what he was going to get. I refused to move away from him, and I refused to let the uncomfortable barrier that having sex with him had created for us.

Cedar finally sighed and wrapped his arm around me. He dropped a kiss on my forehead and muttered, “I’m sorry, shawty. I wish I could be that man you deserve.”

“Where’s that coming from?” I asked through a yawn.

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