Page 22 of Sunday

I closed my eyes and tried to push the fear down. The only thing that happened was that I was able to tap into the fear even more. I felt the trembling grow throughout my body, my belly tighten to the point of nausea, and my bowels constrict.

What the hell had I been thinking?

I hadn’t been. I’d just wanted to scratch an itch. And who better than the man I’d had a secret crush on for the last couple of years? Being around Cedar, knowing that I wanted him and couldn’t have him, made it easier for me to maintain my abstinence.

I pulled my pajama shorts and panties down and grabbed the first stick. Leaning forward, I angled it just enough to make sure that it was in the position to catch my pee without getting it on my hand.

I huffed out a breath of frustration when I realized that I would have to portion out my damn pee. That was the only way that I could make sure that I took all the tests.

“Shit, Cedar.”

I rolled my eyes. He was already doing too damn much. I could not imagine how he would be co-parenting. I peed on thefirst stick, stopped peeing, and then grabbed the second one. I did the same thing with the third, and then I was all out of urine.

I rocked forward and rested my elbows on my knees. I was already exhausted and emotionally drained, and I didn’t have any results yet.

“Cedar?” I called out.

I needed a bottle of water so that I could pee again.

“Cedar!”

When he didn’t respond, I rolled my eyes. “Already bailing,” I mumbled.

I knew that he was scared. I was too, but I had to hang in there. I couldn’t bolt like Cedar could. I grabbed some tissue and wiped. I pulled up my panties and pajama shorts before I washed my hands.

When I stepped into my bedroom, I found it empty. I headed out of the bedroom and to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. On my way back upstairs to my bedroom, I paused as I heard Taylor’s voice on the phone. He had his phone on speaker in his bedroom.

Cedar’s ex-wife had been calling him more frequently since the wedding. I wasn’t privy to the details of the calls, but I had heard him say her name on multiple occasions when he was on the phone.

My heart squeezed in my chest as I wondered if she was trying to get him back and if he was considering taking her back. Sadness filled my insides, and I slowly put one foot in front of the other.

No matter what he decided or didn’t decide to do with her, I still had to figure out my life and my next steps. I opened the water bottle and drank some. I could hear her telling him that he needed to be reasonable, forgive her, and make peace with the way things were.

Well, I guess she doesn’t want him,I thought to myself.

I turned to head back down the hallway to my room, but her next words gave me pause.

“I’m not trying to ask for too much, Cedar. I thought about this for a long time, and I prayed really hard before I made this call. I’m not trying to be reckless with your feelings.”

“Yes, the fuck you are. Why else would you call me with this bullshit?”

“You’re the only one that I trust, Cedar. We trust. Monica and I both trust you, and we want you to be the father of our child.”

Say what?

“You had that opportunity when we were still married, Taylor. Not only did you not want my kids, but you also didn’t want my last name or anything else attached to that. Remember that? You didn’t want my dick, my kisses, my love, or my heart. Now you want a favor.”

“I’m sorry. I’ve asked you to forgive me a million times over. I was dead wrong for how I handled all of that. I know this now, and I’ve apologized and said as much to you.”

“So what? You saying I should just get the fuck over it and give you what you want?”

“No, Cedar. We just want a child desperately. And I couldn’t think of a better person to father this child than you. You’re handsome, smart, honest, hardworking, and you have a big heart. You’re in good health, and you have excellent morals and values.”

“That’s a whole lot more than I could ever say for your kid’s mother.”

“Please, Cedar. I know that you’re hurting.”

“And you’re driving the fucking knife deeper inside, Taylor.”

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