Page 23 of Sunday

“It’s not what I meant to do.”

Taylor sounded like she was crying, and I wondered if that was what she did to manipulate him. Is that how she controlledhim throughout their marriage, by using her emotions and his love against him?

“What do you want from me, Taylor?”

“Just to father our baby. I would love it if you agreed to be in the baby’s life, but you don’t have to. We’re not even asking that you financially support him or her.”

“Just provide my seed.”

There was a long pause before Taylor softly replied, “Yes.”

Cedar chuckled. “You know this is fucked up, don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah, I do. But . . . you’re a great guy, Cedar, and I wouldn’t want anyone else to father this child but you.”

“Or is it that you couldn’t afford anyone else? What’s wrong? Are the treatments too expensive?”

“It’s not that, Cedar. Do you want money? Because we would be willing to pay you if that’s what it will take to make things right with you and to have this baby.”

“I don’t want your money, Taylor.”

“Then what do you want?”

“Who would be carrying the baby? You or Monica?”

“Me.”

He scoffed. “So, what? Do you expect me to have sex with you like we were supposed to do when we were married? Or how is that supposed to work?”

My heart squeezed tightly in my chest. I couldn’t believe that he was even considering it knowing that we could be having a child of our own. Maybe that was why he was thinking about it. What if the prospect of us having one put the desire in his heart? What if he wanted to keep his options open in case I wasn’t pregnant?

I walked back to my bedroom, not wanting to hear the rest of their conversation. I had no right to eavesdrop. That was what I got for listening in on something that had nothing to do with me.

I closed the bedroom door and walked into the bathroom.

“Damn it, Sunday!” I banged my fist on my thigh when I sat on the edge of the bathtub. “Why did you have to catch feelings for that man? You’ve done just fine all this time being just his roommate.”

Who was I kidding? I’d had a crush on Cedar for a long time. It hadn’t started with the kiss; it had only flamed the possibility of something occurring between us into life.

I drank the last of the water until it was empty and then sat back to get comfortable. I refused to look at the other tests until I had taken them all.

I sat there for ten minutes before I got the urge to pee again. Confusion and anguish set up in my heart when I realized that he wasn’t coming back to check on me. It hurt. All I wanted was Cedar by my side.

I took the next two tests and set them on the counter. I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes, refusing to cry. This baby, if there were one inside of me, would need me to remain strong. There was no room for weakness when raising a child, especially when raising one alone.

Based on the phone conversation Cedar held with his ex-wife and his inability to be with me when I needed him most, I decided that I would be a single mom. I knew that he promised to be here for me and to do whatever it took to make sure we were comfortable, but I didn’t need or want him to.

Cedar had even spoken about marriage. That was the last thing that I wanted. I wasn’t okay with any man feeling obligated to marry me because of his baby being in my womb. No, when I married, it would be because the man loved me and couldn’t live without me, the same way that I felt for him.

Cedar

I wanted to put my fist through something. There was no way that Taylor had fixed her face to ask me some bullshit like that. She had stabbed me in the heart and was twisting the knife back and forth.

“I ain’t even gon’ be able to do it, Taylor.”

“Please, Cedar. You’re the only one I trust to make this go right and not to put crazy demands on us somewhere down the line.”

“Get someone else to do it.”

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