Page 54 of Sunday

“Not quite, but maybe we did move too fast. Maybe he needed more time alone before he jumped into another relationship.”

“Or maybe that’s exactly what he needed. After all, it’s been over two years since they divorced, right?”

“Yeah. But that doesn’t mean that he was ready for another one.”

“The right woman will heal a wounded man. And you’re the right woman, Sunday. You just need to be patient with him and put things in perspective. You’re both going through major life changes right now. For you, it’s this pregnancy and preparing to become a mother.

“That is a lot, so please don’t underestimate the changes your body, hormones, and emotions are sending you through right now. Shit’s being shifted around in you to make room fora whole other human being. That little guy is in there shifting furniture around and renovating your whole interior to make him a comfortable home. And if he’s anything like his daddy, he really ain’t a little guy, but a big dude.”

I giggled and rubbed my belly as my baby kicked. “Yeah, I think Aspen’s gonna be a big baby. That’s for sure. He’s already three pounds.”

“Damn. And toward the end, he’ll gain a pound a week.”

“I know. That’s what I’m afraid of. How the hell will I push his big-headed self out of my punana?”

“Honey, we’ve been doing it since the beginning of time.”

I grabbed a few more outfits and took them to the counter. After I paid for my things, I stepped to the side and waited for Janae to purchase her items. She had brought several items for baby Aspen and some for Janaya.

We left the store with our bags on our arms.

“My back hurts.”

“Come on, let’s head outside and get some lunch at Charly Mac’s.”

“Sounds good to me.”

I loved Southern soul food, and Charly Mac’s had the best there was in the South. It was a four-star restaurant right on the outside of the mall but in the same lot. We dropped the bags off at her car and headed into the restaurant. After we were seated and placed our orders, we resumed our earlier conversation.

“What is it that you think is triggering Cedar?”

I sighed. “You know that his wife cheated on him with her best friend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, an old high school friend of mine was in town about a month ago and unexpectedly reached out to me. I met her for lunch at a hotel she was staying at, and he saw me leaving andjumped to conclusions. I thought that I cleared it up for him and reassured him that I wasn’t meeting some guy there.”

“But of course, in his mind, it doesn’t have to be a guy since his ex-wife cheated with another woman.”

“Exactly. So, now that she and I have been talking on the phone again, he thinks something’s up.”

“That’s messed up. I hate that she did him the way that she did. Cedar’s a good guy,” Janae professed.

“He really is. But this is too much for me right now, Janae. Some days, I don’t think we’re gonna make it. The last month has been tense, but these last couple of weeks have been more than I can handle. I really think it’ll be better if we just decide to co-parent Aspen. I don’t want to be controlled or told what to do. Don’t get me wrong, I respect Cedar, and I love him. I also firmly believe that a man is the head of his wife, and she should submit to him. But we’re not that. Hell, he hasn’t even proposed to me.”

She sighed. “I get where you’re coming from. Have you told him how you feel?”

“Not in so many words.”

What I hadn’t told Janae was that I knew I’d given him a reason to be suspicious. Whenever Layla called me, I wasn’t exactly forthcoming about our history and downplayed our role in each other’s lives when, in fact, she played a major role in my past. She was the reason that I was cautious about relationships now, who I became involved with, and how I made decisions that might impact others.

I couldn’t tell Janae this, though. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone about my past choices and how I’d almost cost someone their life. I couldn’t share that her life had forever been changed because of me, and out of fear and selfishness, I’d gone on with my life and tucked her safely in the past, or so I thought. What would that say about my character? How would my friends view me now?

“Listen, whatever you do, you need to tread carefully. Don’t just jump to a rash decision that you’ll regret later. You have to think about more than just yourself. How will this impact Cedar? What will it mean for baby Aspen’s future?”

Those were the things I was worried about. I didn’t want to make a decision one way or another, for fear I’d make the wrong decision like I had a few years ago.

“But I also don’t want to be confined to a relationship for the sake of a child. I mean, come on, Janae. In the beginning, Cedar wasn’t interested in a relationship. He had no intentions of becoming involved with me. Had it not been for his sister’s wedding, we never would have kissed, never explored something more.”

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