Page 56 of Sunday

“CJ, things have been tense between us lately.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been thinking about it a lot.”

His forehead scrunched up, and his eyes darkened as he shoved his plate aside and rested his elbows on the table.

“Wassup?”

“I’ve been thinking that maybe we need to just co-parent Aspen.”

“What the hell are you talking ’bout?”

“I miss the way things were before the relationship, before the complications of kisses, sex, and the baby. I miss my friend. I’m just saying that we don’t have to be in a relationship?—”

“Nah, I know what that technically means. But I’m asking you what the fuck is you trying to say to me, Sunny?”

“Listen and hear me out, please. In the beginning, you were adamant that you didn’t want a relationship. Despite having feelings for you, I respected that. But you got into this relationship because of our son, CJ, not because of your feelings for me. There’s been so much tension lately that I don’t want you to feel obligated to me. We can still have a beautiful friendship and raise our son together like we planned without being involved.”

“The fuck is you saying?” he repeated.

“You’re triggered by everything. I don’t think you’re ready for a relationship, Cedar. And that’s okay. I want you to be ready when you are, not because you’re forced to be.”

“All you wanted was for me to give us a shot. Now that I’ve done that, you’re telling me it’s not working? Kinda shit is this?”

“I love you, but I refuse to spend a lifetime trying to make up for what Taylor did.”

He shook his head. “How do you think you’re making up for what she did?”

“You question me about everything and trust me with nothing.”

“If you were more trustworthy, then you wouldn’t have to explain shit, and I wouldn’t be questioning you all the time. I’m transparent as fuck with you, Sunday. But you’re the one creeping around hotels, cutting off conversations when I walk into the room, and providing sketchy details on this phantom friend.”

“She’s not a phantom, she’s real. And that’s all she is. Why can’t you just be cool, and we consider co-parenting? At least for a while until we can figure the rest of this out between us. We can go back to being easy the way we once were. I miss our easy ways.”

“I’m not on this bullshit.”

“CJ, please.”

“Nah, I’m done with this conversation.”

He shoved back from the table so violently that his chair fell over. I flinched and called after him.

“Cedar, please come back.”

I heard the front door slam, and I sat for a few moments longer until I heard his truck revving up. Not long after, I heard his tires screeching as he drove away. Tears poured down my face.

The baby started moving in my belly. I rubbed my stomach. “It’s okay, big guy. Mommy messed up, but I promise you that we’ll get it together before you come. We both love you so much.”

I sobbed and felt my baby kicking as a result. I knew that he could feel my stress. I inhaled and held it for several seconds before releasing it. I repeated it twice before I spoke to my baby again.

“We love each other, too, but we’ve got so much to work through.”

I sniffled, but I couldn’t gather my composure. My next words were to a God I hadn’t prayed to in a long while.

“God, please help me. Why am I so scared to face the truth? Why am I destroying the best thing that’s happened to me in such a long while?” I sobbed.

Complete silence greeted me in the quiet townhome.

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