Page 65 of Sunday

“My heart breaks for you then. That’s what I love about Cedar. He is strong and proud of who he is. No matter what he has to go through, no matter what he faces, he will always be proud to be who he is and stand for what is right.”

My father wiped a couple of errant tears from his eyes. I moved from my seat on the couch to sit on the arm of his recliner. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, and he hesitated briefly before he returned the hug. He squeezed me so tight I almost couldn’t breathe.

“Daddy, you should have sought counseling for that. It sounds like a very traumatic experience,” I whispered.

He nodded but didn’t speak for a long while. I lifted my gaze to meet my mother’s. She smiled warmly at me and blew a kiss at me. I got the feeling that I’d made strides with my father where maybe she hadn’t been able to.

When we finally relaxed, I looked down into my father’s face. “Is that the reason that you dislike him?”

Slowly, my father nodded. “He scares me. The thought that he could be the target of anyone’s racially motivated actions and it might come back on you and my grandson terrifies me.”

“It sounds like he’s more like you than you want to admit,” my mother pronounced.

“Daddy, that could go either way. It could be white people that do the same thing to us. As a matter of fact, that’s what usually happens. I will never ask him to or expect him to tone down his ‘blackness.’ Hopefully, one day, you’ll be free enough again to embrace yours. As it relates to Cedar, he’s a good man. He’s been a friend for a long time and always looked out for me long before we became involved. He loves me, Daddy, and he’s very protective of me.”

“I don’t doubt he is, sweetheart.”

“It took a lot of courage for him to stand up to your father,” Mom stated.

I nodded. “He never meant to disrespect you, Daddy. But there was only so much he could take. You were very rude and disrespectful to us both.”

“And I’ve apologized to you. I feel how I feel about him, though. That boy stood in my home, cursed me, and threatened bodily harm. We can’t be okay after something like that. I’m not the only one who needs to make peace, Sunday.”

“Okay, Daddy. I understand. I don’t know that I can get him to change though.”

“I didn’t ask you to. Man to man, he needs to come to me, and we need to talk about it. Not you.”

“Speaking of, what’s going on with the two of you?” Mom asked.

I told her everything that had transpired since Layla first reached out to me on Instagram, telling me that she wanted to see me. When I finished, we were all three in tears as we recalled those difficult years.

My mother wiped her tears and left the room briefly. When she returned, she held a box of tissues.

“I think it’s time you told him the truth.”

I blew out a breath, and the tears started again.

“Sunday, you have held this in for so long. It’s time that you forgive yourself. Layla has forgiven you and so has Mrs. Robinson,” my mother remarked, referring to Layla’s mother. “The only way that you’re going to heal, baby, is for you to forgive yourself.”

My father nodded at my mother’s advice before he spoke up. “And the way you know that you’ve forgiven yourself is by telling Cedar what happened back then. If he loves you the way you claim he does, then he’ll accept you despite what you’ve done. You lost a lot during that time, and you got help. I don’t know if you need to return to therapy or what, but you’ve got to move on, Sunday. This baby needs you whole.”

My daddy’s palm rested on my belly, and I couldn’t help the grin that spread across my face. That little gesture showed me that he was learning to accept my life.

“I know, Daddy. I want to be the best mom that I can be for Aspen.”

“And I believe that you will be. I may not like him for you, but you chose him to be the father of your unborn child. He needs to be aware of everything that’s going on in your life that might impact the baby. And you also need to understand what that man is facing, also. You’re not telling him everything, and I’m sure that he suspects you’re holding back.”

“Like I said earlier, he thinks that I’m cheating with Layla.”

My parents both chuckled, and my father continued talking.

“That’s on you, baby girl. You can easily clear up that misunderstanding by having a conversation. Right now, he probably sees his life as spiraling out of control. What you’ve got to understand, the most important thing to a man is being able to protect those under his guidance. His woman, his children, his parents, and his possessions.

“When a man can’t provide for, protect, or give peace to his woman, it leaves him feeling like less than a man. Those are the basic responsibilities that we want to be able to handle. Without that, it’s almost like we’ve got nothing. Any time he feels there’s anything beyond his control when it comes to his woman and his kids, he starts to feel less like a man and doubts his reason for being involved with the woman.”

I couldn’t help but wonder if my father spoke from experience.

“Is that how you felt that day with those police officers humiliating you in front of that girl?”

---