Page 60 of Blood Ties
I hesitate, searching her face. My hand shakes as I pull my shirt up to show her. Nobody but me has seen this ugly truth: my pale stomach, dotted all over by the angry red of cigarette burns. Some are years old, others fresh and raw. All of them overlapping in a tapestry of pain.
Riley sucks in a breath. “What... what did this?” She brushes her fingertips over my scarred skin, oh so gently, and my entire body tenses. “Cigarettes?” I nod, and her gaze softens. “I’m so sorry.”
I let my shirt drop. I’m sure she doesn’t want to look anymore; I can barely stand to see it myself, the ruin I’ve made of my skin.
Riley leans in close, presses her forehead to mine and cups the back of my head. “Who did this to you?” she murmurs. “Your dad? Your uncle?”
I shake my head, unable to speak.
A sharp intake of breath. “Knox...?”
“No.” I swallow hard. “I... did it. I do it. To myself.”
“Oh, Kai,” she whispers.
“Sometimes I just can’t stand it.” I’m unable to stop the words from pouring out, things I’ve never told anyone, not even Momma. “I feel so angry — at my Dad and Knox and at myself, and it feels like I’m drowning in it. Like it’s filling my lungs. And I don’t know what to do, so I do... that. It makes me feel better, somehow.”
Riley wraps her arms around me and holds me. She doesn’t say anything for a long time, until finally she whispers: “Please don’t hurt yourself again, Kai. If you feel that way, you can come to me. You can rely on me. Okay? I’m here.” She looks up at me. “Promise me. Please.”
I stare down at her, struck by the weight of all the emotions I feel. I’ve never told anyone any of this. And nobody’s ever looked at me likethat. “Okay,” I whisper. “I promise.”
*
AT DINNER, I PUSH FOODaround my plate, saving what I can for Riley. Thinking about nothing but her. I’ve never felt anything like what I feel for her, a bone-deep need to be close, so intense it makes me a bit sick sometimes.
Dad always goes on and on about family being the most important thing, but I’ve never felt anything like this for them. Nor have any of them treated me as kindly as Riley does. Except for Momma, I mean, but it’s been a long time since she was reallyhere. The rest of them... do they even care about me? Did they ever?
I look around the table. Frank is hunched over his plate shoveling food into his mouth, and he lets out a sound like a growl when he catches me looking. I don’t know if he’s capable of caring about anybody, though he follows Dad around like a loyal dog.
Dad’s on some rant about the government stealing his hard-earned money, and I don’t dare look at him for long and risk gaining his attention when he’s in one of his moods. I feel like he only notices me when I do something wrong.
And Knox... I steal glances at Knox as he eats, his mouth curled up in amusement at our father’s anger. He catches me looking and quirks a brow like we’re sharing a joke. He always notices me, especially when I don’t want him to.
Knox cares about me, I think. But his love always feels sharp around the edges, liable to cut you if you’re not careful. Maybe that’s the only kind of love he knows, the kind that’s also painful.
I break away from his gaze and stare at my plate. I think about him, and about Riley, and about Dad’s rant. And even though it makes my stomach knot, I know what I have to do.
*
KNOX FINDS ME BEFOREI find him. When I head to the basement to bring Riley the remains of my dinner, he’s leaning against the wall with his arms folded over his chest, waiting for me.
“You’ve sure been going down there a lot,” he says. “You get it done yet or what?”
I stop. Look straight at him. “Knox.”
He arches a brow. “Yeah?”
“If you hurt her again,” I say, “I’ll tell Dad about the money you’re hiding.”
He stiffens, his smile going frigid. “What?”
“You heard me. Stay away from her.”
He just stares at me for a second. I hope he doesn’t suspect how hard my heart is pounding, the way my stomach is rolling with anxiety.
I really don’t want to go through with the threat. Dad might like Knox more than me, but that doesn’t mean he won’t hurt him. That scar on his face is a testament to that. But I need to do something to keep Riley safe.
“Fine,” Knox bites out. “Understood, kiddo.”
