Page 47 of Portrait of A Lost Artist
“Listen to me. Please.” I beg her, drawing closer until our foreheads meet, our breaths becoming one in the still, warm air. “I came here because I was tired of being unfairly famous. I’m the son of an actress and a business executive. I dabbled in art and earned some money, but my fame came from elsewhere. For what they could nitpick from me growing up. Eating disorders, drug usage, depression...” With every word I say, a wave of shivers runs through her, as though hearing me inflicts more damage on her already shattered heart. “I had a team trying to mend my reputation after my sister, Lucy, passed away because I went absolutely crazy and wouldn’t stop partying in hopes of not making it past that day. And I would always wake up to the memory of losing my sister just like this, running away from the paparazzi after one of my scandals and crashing her car on the way.”
What matters most is that Veronica is safe. She’s well, and that’s a relief I cling to, even if she chooses to walk away from me after this. I can’t in good conscience ask for more understanding.
“The way to make me seem more stable was showing me around in a supposedly healthy relationship with a model called Jane Rae LaCroix. I don’t expect you to believe me by saying I’m in a fake relationship, but...everything we had, everything I said, was real, and I meant it with my entire heart.” I whisper, lifting her features by pressing my hands to her cheeks, only to see her shake her head. “I never meant to hurt you, but if I had told you all the baggage that I carried...would you have liked me the same?”
“I don’t...I don’t...” Veronica hiccups, finally relying her face against my shoulder. “I don’t know. Why didn’t you tell me? Nathan, they have written about me online...”
“I promise I will fix it.”
“My reputation! You ruined my reputation and my job and my...mom will fucking kill me for this, I swear. The business could be ruined by me partaking in this kind of mess.” She runs her hands through her hair, pulling away from me for the umpteenth time.
“I will take care of it, and if none of it works, I promise I can find a job for you. I will give you the grandest opportunities in California if I have to—”
“It’s easy for you to look at it that way. Even when you are being written about online, no one will hate you. You will just be another celebrity who made a mistake, but I am painted as the mistress.” She shakes her head. “They will never forgive me for this...”
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. Ever.” I interlace my fingers, a gesture of utter supplication. I’ve never been one to beg a higher power, but I’d fall to my knees if it could earn me her forgiveness. “Everything I said was real, and I will do anything I can to fix it. I promise.”
“Refrain from making promises.”
“I promise because I love you, sunshine.” I tell her. It’s not the way I ever imagined telling her so, but her crying grows stronger upon hearing those words. “I—I will leave you alone for now if that’s what you need, but I’ll take care of everything. You won’t have to worry about the outcomes.”
“It feels like I never knew you, Nathan...”
“You knew the real me. Fuck, you did!” I am starting to grow impatient, standing up and looking around in anxiety. “No one has ever known me as well as you do.”
“Please, leave me alone.” Veronica mumbles, laying on her side pathetically, like a leaf waiting for autumn to fly her by.
“I—I can’t—”
“I need some time off. From you. From us. From what I feel for you.” She speaks, and I’m struck by a deep feeling of inadequacy, the sense that I could have navigated things perfectly but instead veered down the wrong road. I nod in response, though the idea of walking away is agonizing. With a constricted throat, I choose to mumble my genuine emotions.
“I love you. I’m so sorry I am not the man you imagined me to be.”
Breaking her heart has fractured mine equally, the weight of it settling heavily as I reach the car. I press my forehead to the steering wheel, a silent scream echoing within, only a heavy sigh breaking the stillness. Normalcy feels like a simple request, yet it seems fate has always denied me that in this life.
?CHAPTER SIXTEEN
