Page 92 of Touch Me Not: Anniversary Edition

Nikoli didn’t know what to say. Lily really did see him, the man he hid from everyone, sometimes even Luther. How had he let her get this close?

“It doesn’t matter, Lily.”

“Of course it matters,” she argued.

“No, it doesn’t. I don’t love you, Lily.”

Her eyes. Dammit. He watched them go from so full of happiness to horror and then to a deep and abiding hurt. It was as if someone had sucked all the joy out of them and left nothing but a broken and beaten landscape behind. Her face paled, and her hands clutched the chair arms in a death grip.

She blinked, and he watched the tears pool in her eyes. More than anything, he wanted to pull her into his lap and tell her he was wrong, that he loved her too, but he didn’t. Instead, he just sat there, his face expressionless.

Lily got up, and he watched her cautiously. She rummaged in her luggage until she found her tablet. She turned it on and made several swipes. What was she doing? Once she was done, she put her tablet back then called the front desk for a taxi.

“What are you doing?” he asked, getting a little alarmed. She hadn’t said a word. He stood and followed her.

“I’m going home.” Her voice shook. “There’s a noon flight back to Boston, and I was able to swap my ticket for it.”

“You don’t need to do that Lily,” he said. “You can ride back with me and Luther…”

“No, that’s not a good idea,” she interrupted. “I don’t want to see Luther’s pity. I’ve seen it on his face for so many other girls. I can’t bear it.”

“At least let me take you to the airport.”

“No,” she said adamantly. “You are in no shape to be driving. You need to rest.”

Another sharp pain ripped through him. He’d broken her heart, and she was still more worried about him than her own pain.

She finished packing then opened the door, looking at him one more time. The depth of her pain made him take a step toward her, but she put out a hand as if to ward him off.

“Lily…I…”

“Butterfly.”

He sucked in a breath at the use of her safe word. She’d never used it with him before, not once. It felt like she just sucker punched him.

“Goodbye, Nikoli.”

Then she closed the door, and Nikoli stumbled as he walked over to the chair she’d just been in. He sank down and put his head in his heads, knowing he’d probably screwed up the best thing that ever happened to him.

It only took a moment for the pain of losing her to sink in. He stood, his fists clenched, and stared at the door. She was gone. Really and truly gone. Anger at himself, at the situation, at Lily for just leaving swamped him, and his fist hit the wall. He let out a ragged groan, but he welcomed the pain his body was experiencing. After what he’d just done, he deserved to hurt.

Images of her flashed in his mind, laughing, joking, and the way she smiled at the simplest of things. His heart argued with him, the pain it caused so deep, he fell to his knees as it wrenched through him.

How was he going to survive this?

~*~

I don’t love you, Lily.

Those words kept echoing in Lily’s head, each one a stab into her heart. It was as if he’d taken her heart, held it in his hands for a moment, and then started to squeeze, the pain worse with each passing moment. Lily felt as if she couldn’t breathe, as if she wanted to hurl. Her heart ached, her body ached from his rejection. She wanted to cry, to wail, to shout at God, Fate, and any other entity she could blame for the pain she was in right now.

She called Adam and asked him to pick her up at the airport, and she begged him not to bring Sue. That witch was someone she’d hurt if she gave her one snide stare. Adam hadn’t asked a single question, just said he’d be waiting for her. For that, she was grateful.

The flight home was difficult. She barely kept it together. When the plane landed and they all were hustled inside, she found Adam waiting in the baggage claim area. She threw herself at him and burst into tears. As soon as she saw his familiar face, the dam had broken. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close, murmuring nonsense. She cried so hard, and he just stood there and let her.

“Come on, Lils,” he said softly after a long time. “Let’s get you home, okay?”

Instead of taking her back to the dorm, he took her to the small apartment Mike and Janet shared. They were both there when Adam opened the door, but she ran past them into the bathroom. Standing was too much effort, so she lay down on the floor, her cheek pressed to the white tile that smelled like Pine-Sol.

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