Page 50 of The Sinner's Touch

Her eyes shot to his. He’d kept their baby’s only photo?

“We need to talk, Angel. I’ve thought about this since I saw you sitting in the bar. I told myself that bringing all that up would only cause us both more pain, but you need to know what really happened that day. You deserve to know the truth.”

“I don’t want to hear this, Kade.” She couldn’t go back to that day. She couldn’t. It hurt too much. She might as well have died herself. Going back there wasn’t a good idea. She barely coped as it was. Bringing all that back…she shook her head. Only pain waited in those memories.

“You need to hear this,moye serdtse.” He came around the island and took her face in his hands. “I need you to hear this. Please.”

She shook her head, a tear sliding down her face. “Don’t make me remember that day. Please.”

“I survived by not remembering it too.” He stroked her cheek with his thumb. “I know how much those memories hurt, but you don’t know the whole truth. You might not even believe me after all these years, but let me tell you the truth.”

Truth? What could he possibly say that would erase all the pain he’d caused her? Her gaze flicked down to the worn and tattered sonogram photo. It looked like he’d taken it out many times. There were even a few tear stains on it.

Maybe she owed it to their son to listen to him. Maybe she owed it to the ghost of the memory of what they once were. Maybe she just wanted to hear any truth other than the one she’d lived with for six years.

“Okay.”

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

Kade sat on the barstool next to Angel and tried to figure out where to start. How to tell her the truth?

“I was late getting back to the station. The prosecutor didn’t want to honor the deal I’d worked out with his predecessor for Peter. There was to be no jail time, and he’d be moved to witness protection. The cartel Peter worked for was one of the most dangerous in Florida. I wanted him safe, and that program was the only way to guarantee it.”

“I thought he was just in a safe house?”

“No.” Kade shook his head. “The Marshals’ office was supposed to take him straight from the station to a waiting plane. He was to be hidden somewhere on the west coast until the trial. I don’t know why he wasn’t on that plane. He promised if I kept my word, he’d go.”

He got up and started to pace.

“My handler was waiting for me when I arrived at the station. He told me about what happened, how you were standing at the top of the stairs when they broke down the door.” He closed his eyes, that image burned into his mind’s eye. It haunted his dreams. Her face as she was startled, as she fell backward down the stairs. “That the baby died.”

His voice broke when he uttered the words. That same staggering pain that had torn him apart when they’d told him about the baby attacked him again. It was a grief that never really went away; it didn’t get easier. He’d survived it by not thinking about it.

“I went straight to the hospital instead of talking to Peter. My only thought was you. You wanted that baby so much. We’d just put the crib together a few days before. The blue paint was sitting in the hallway. Peter and I were supposed to paint the nursery that weekend. When they told me he was gone, I couldn’t breathe, Angel. I couldn’t get air in my lungs. I just kept thinking about the nursery, the crib, that ugly giraffe you insisted on buying for him. I knew you’d need me because I needed you. I hurt so much, and the only thing that could possibly make it better was to see you, to assure myself you were okay.”

When he paused and took a breath, Angel felt herself soften a fraction of an inch. She saw his grief reflected in his eyes, his voice. It was the same grief she’d lived with for so long.

“When I got to the hospital, they told me what happened, that they’d had to do emergency surgery, and the baby died before they were able to get him out. He was only twenty weeks. I asked if I could see him. I just wanted to see him, you know, hold him at least once, but they told me they’d already disposed of him as…medical waste.”

Angel had been told the same thing. Standard hospital procedure. It had enraged her, and they’d sedated her. She understood the rage in his voice. Neither of them had been able to hold their son.

“Medical waste.” He shook his head, his fists clenched like he wanted to hit something. “I was so angry. I don’t even remember what I said to the doctor or the nurses who tried to calm medown. He deserved better than that. He deserved a funeral. My son was not medical waste.”

“I know.” She hugged herself, trying not to cry. The raw emotion coming out of Kade was bringing back her own grief. The debilitating pain that had nearly destroyed her.

“You were still unconscious. They said they had to sedate you, and you’d be out for hours, so I went back to the station to see Peter. I had to do something useful, something to get my mind off that horrible, gut-wrenching pain. At least I could help Peter. Only Peter didn’t want my help. He refused to roll on his bosses. The cartel knew Peter was tight with me. They’d suspect him whether he told their secrets or not. He’d be dead before the week was out. His only chance at surviving was to take the deal.” His expression grew haunted, and he stopped pacing. “Peter finally agreed, but he had a price.”

“A price?” Angel whispered, a sense of dread settling in the pit of her stomach.

“He was bitter, and he was angry, but he wasn’t wrong. It was my fault. The baby died because of me. I put you both in danger. Our son’s death is on my hands. If I had told you, gotten you out of the house sooner, he’d be here now. There’s no denying that simple truth.”

He blamed himself for the nugget’s death? She could see it in every line of his body. He blamed himself. She’d never blamed him for that. Even when he’d called them collateral damage, she hadn’t blamed him. He would never do anything to harm his own child. He might look at the miscarriage as fortuitous, but he wouldn’t have done anything on purpose.

“Peter said he’d take the deal if I walked away from you and made you believe I didn’t care. He said I’d done enough to his family already, that you’d hate me for arresting him and for the miscarriage. If I wanted to do right by you, I’d walk away and let you go. He wanted you to go into witness protection with him.You’d get a new life, a clean start. Maybe go to college and make something of yourself. You deserved that. And I knew without that deal, Peter was a dead man.”

“You threw it all away because Peter refused to take a deal?” She couldn’t even form the proper thoughts to tell him how stupid that was.

“No. I told him he was a fucking idiot if the thought for even a minute I’d do that, but then he said something I couldn’t argue with. Peter pointed out that the cartel knew who you were, that you were his sister and my wife. If they couldn’t get to Peter, you were the next best thing.”

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