Page 184 of Pucking Sweet

Leaning out of the spray, I open my eyes. Lukas is standing by the counter dressed in a backward hat, hockey tee, shorts, and socks with tennis shoes. Did he go for a run on game day? I fell asleep in his arms last night and woke up in an empty bed. The water keeps pouring down, hitting my chest and shoulder as I peer at him through the glass. “What?”

He opens his mouth and closes it again. Curling his hands into fists at his sides, he bobs once on the balls of his feet, swaying forward, then back.

I narrow my eyes. “Jeezus, you look like you’re trying to do long division in your head. What?”

“I have something to say.”

Silence stretches between us as I wait.

“I’m listening,” I finally say.

He opens his mouth. Then he closes it and groans, cursing under his breath. This man is such a goddamn disaster. How is it possible I love him somuch?

“Lukas—”

“No, I’m doing it,” he shouts, one hand pressed to his forehead like feeling his feelings is physically hurting his brain. “Just give me a fucking second, alright? Jeez, you impatient fuck.”

“Okay. Take your time—”

He drops his hand to his side with an irritated huff. “Fine. I love you, okay?”

The words hang in the air between us. I swallow back my smile, heart pounding as I look through the shower glass at him. His eyes are wide, like a cat who just swallowed a bug and now doesn’t know what to do about it. “And?” I say.

His eyes narrow in frustration. “And what? You need more? Need me to recite you a goddamn poem? I’m not that guy, Cole. I’mthisguy. I said it. That’s what you wanted, right? That’s what you’ve been waiting for? You wanted me to break. You wanted to move in here, and drive me crazy, and make me fucking desperate enough to confess how I feel.” He shrugs, flapping his arms like an angry penguin. “Well, now I have, and you win. Alright? I didn’t even last a week. You fucking win, Cole. Now, can you please stop torturing me?”

“How am I torturing you by just standing here?”

“By breathing!” He storms right up to the glass. “You’re in my house, Cole. You’re in my bed, and my kitchen, and my fucking shower! You’re inhere,” he shouts, pointing at his temple with two fingers. “And I can’t get you out. I miss you so goddamn much. You’re standing right in front of me, and I miss you. You’re right, I’m not happy, and it’s not enough. It’s like I can’t evenbreathewithout you and Poppy in my life. I’m angry all the time. I don’t sleep. I’m losing weight. It’s affecting my game, Cole. I haven’t gotten an assist in three fucking weeks. Did you notice?”

“I noticed,” I reply. “I notice everything about you. I never look away.”

He lets out a breath with his whole chest, a flicker of relief passing across his face. “How do I fix this? How do we just go back?”

“We don’t go back,” I reply. “We go forward. No going back, Lukas.”

“Just tell me what to do,” he pleads. “I want you. I want Poppy. I want you both here in this house.”

Heart racing, I search his face. “And the baby?”

He groans, rocking on his heels again. “Alright, I’ll admit I’m still fucking terrified. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing. But then, I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing most of the time,” he adds with a shrug. “Hockey is the only thing I’ve ever been good at. It’s the only thing I’ve ever fully understood. I don’t know how to let people love me, and I definitely don’t know how to handle a kid—and doing both those things scares me to death.”

“You’re allowed to be scared,” I say. “I’m scared too. But you have to stay in the room. You can run circles inside it all you want. Hell, I’ll buy you a treadmill. Then you can run all goddamn day. Juststaywith us. That’s all we want. Don’t change. Don’t become a whole new person. You’re fine as the shitty mess that you are. Juststay.”

Slowly he nods.

I can hardly breathe. God, is this happening? Did this actually work? Did I just fix us through the power of Leo obstinance and breaking and entering?

“So…what now?” he asks, looking so completely helpless.

I glare at him. “Are you fucking serious?”

“Will you please just tell me what to do before I burst through my fucking skin?”

I smile, feeling victorious. “Get in here.”

He lets out a groan of relief before he’s stepping around the open shower glass. He walks right into the shower with all his clothes on, and then he’s in my arms. He steps under the spray with me, one arm around my shoulder and one around my waist as he kisses me. The shower soaks him in seconds, his gray T-shirt clinging to his broad shoulders.

I’ve never kissed a man before. The first thing I notice is his height. At six-foot-three, I’m usually the taller one in the equation. Poppy is a whole foot and change shorter than me. But Lukas is my height. There’s no bending required to meet his lips. It’s actually kind of nice.

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