Page 122 of North Is the Night
“For weeks, I’ve tried to make sense of all this,” I say, following after her. “Why was I taken? What purpose did I serve? Kalma finally makes sense. She was playing Tuonetar the whole time. Her loyalty to Tuoni is unyielding. She was ready to kill a hundred mortal girls so long as she found the one who could break his curse. She’s a monster. She’s utterly unforgivableand yet I understand her.”
Loviatar scoffs. “She’ll be thrilled to hear it.”
“What I didn’t understand was you,” I call after her. “Why did you shelter me in your hand? Why did you help me get to Tuoni? What did you stand to gain with his freedom and Tuonetar’s fall? Now I know!”
She keeps walking. Wrenching the door of the sauna open, she disappears.
I join her inside. The heat is enough to take my breath away, my senses filling with the smell of warm pine. I blink in the darkness, looking to where the witch already sits, fanning herself with a birch vihta. “I believe you love your children,” I say, closing the door behind me. “You love your daughter. And I believe she was once here in Tuonela. She was the girl you set free.”
Loviatar stills.
“Tuoni took me under the hill last night. I saw, Loviatar. I saw where she lived. Was that place her home... or her prison?”
“He had no right to take you there,” she hisses.
“He grieves her too. His grief is enough to drown him. I feel it through our bond. He loves her, as he loves you—”
“Ihatehim!” She leaps to her feet, tossing the vihta aside. “How can I not, when loving him has cost me everything?”
“Tell me.”
She growls low in her throat, the sound a mix of anger and pain. “I was on his side from the beginning. I heard all his beautiful dreams. I wanted that Tuonela for myself, for my children. My daughter wanted to help us. We were ready to fight against Tuonetar, ready to make my sisters see reason but we failed. Tuoni is not the only one the Witch Queen punished.”
“What happened?”
Loviatar’s eyes gleam in the dark, as if her memories are a form of vision. “She took her from me. Tuonetar hid her away. For years, I couldn’t find her. I didn’t know whether she was dead or alive. It took a shaman to find her buried under that hill. And it took everything we had to get her out.”
“And under Tuonetar’s rule, she could never safely come back to Tuonela,” I guess. “And you could never leave.”
Slowly, the witch sinks back down onto the wooden bench. “Yes.”
“You helped Tuoni, and it cost you your daughter. So you used Tuonetar’s curse and Kalma’s zeal to find Tuoni a bride that could break his curse. For, only when his curse broke, and he reclaimed Tuonela, could you be free to reunite with your lost daughter.”
A smile quirks her lips as she reaches out and cups my face. “Such a clever girl.”
I brush her hand away. “You never cared about me. You’re just like the others. You sank your claws into me, manipulated me, and served me up to your father as a prize. You won, Loviatar. I am bound to him and to this realm, a life of endless night. And now you’re free. You can leave Tuonela, never to think of me again.”
She picks up the vihta and fans herself. “You’ve been doing so well, little mouse. Don’t disappoint me now by weeping and saying you’ll never forgive me. It’s far too trite, too human.”
“I do,” I say quickly. “I forgive you, Loviatar.”
The witch stills, the birch bundle clutched in her tattooed hand.
“A mother’s love holds fast and forever. If I ever become a mother, I imagine there is nothing I won’t do to keep my children safe. I can forgive you without forgetting. And mark me, witch, I willneverforget what you did to me.”
She flutters the vihta again, a proud smile back on her face. “And how shall you punish me, my queen?”
I take in the lines of her face, the fall of her raven-black hair. “I won’t.”
“Aina, youmustpunish those who wrong you. It’s foolish not to. It’s weak.”
“You would take punishment as absolution,” I reply. “This isn’t about winning and losing for me, Loviatar. This is about my life and having a choice in how I live it. You took that from me as surely as Kalma did. Was it in your power to help me escape this whole time? Could you have saved me, even while Tuoni was bound?”
The witch says nothing.
I sigh. “You chose to help me only as it suited your own gain. To reunite with your daughter, I was the necessary sacrifice. You owe me, Loviatar. Give me her name.”
“Ask me anything else.”
