Page 132 of North Is the Night
“Afraid to speak of your death.”
“But Iwilldie here,” I press. “You cannot keep me safe—”
“I can,” he bellows, pulling away from me.
“You shouldn’t have to, and that’s the point,” I call after him. “Wanting me shouldn’t cost you everything. It shouldn’t cost you your crown, the love of your daughters, the peace of your realm.”
He broods, face cast in shadow by the fire behind him. “And what would you have me do?”
“Sometimes...” I follow him to the fire’s side, trying to control the racing of my heart. Surely, he can feel it down the bond. I smooth both hands over his chest. “Sometimes, my lord, when we love a thing... when wetrulylove it... the only way to love it is to let it go.”
He stiffens, his hands raising to grasp my wrists. “Never. You bound yourself to me, Aina. You’re mine in life and death, body and soul.”
I defiantly hold his gaze. I never expected him to agree to releasing me. He has his claws in me now. There will be no escaping Tuonela. But that doesn’t mean I have to keep living as a mouse. “You would lose your family all for the sake of me?”
“Any witch of my realm who would raise a hand against you does not deserve to call me ‘Father,’” he replies solemnly.
“You would lose your crown for me?”
“Let them try to take it,” he growls, eyes flashing with fire. “I will burn them down.” His voice rasps with ash and flame.
“You would make me your queen?”
“Youaremy queen,” he corrects, his hands dropping to my waist. “And come tomorrow evening, you shall be celebrated at a grand coronation feast. All the gods shall watch as I place you on the throne at my side.”
My heart races. But I don’t just want his attention, I want his power too. I want the feeling of control he gives me. In his arms, I feel strong. In his arms, I feel like a goddess. Iwantto be his goddess.
I tip up my chin. “I married you in the woods for the good of others. I married you to break the curse and spare countless mortal lives that would have otherwise been wrapped up in Tuonetar’s schemes. Whether you like hearing it or not, I married you for Siiri. I married you to keep her safe.”
He grimaces, his hands dropping away from me.
I give chase, my hands pulling at his arms. “I bound myself to you by blood, my lord. I know there is no escape. I will live in Tuonela; I will die in Tuonela.” I run my hands up his chest, settling them back at his shoulders. The motion drops the fur from my shoulders, leaving me in nothing but my simple white dress.
He takes me in, the want open in his heated gaze. I feel my body respond to his closeness. I swallow, holding his odd gaze. “But there is something I realized tonight as I was lying there, pulling on every thread of our bond, calling you to me.”
He winces. The memory of my broken body lying in the snow will haunt him. “What did you realize, wife?”
“As I am bound to you, you are bound to me. I called, and you came. I’m sure if I pulled on this bond hard enough, I could rip the heart from your chest.” I brush my fingers over his scarred brow. “You death gods like doing that to people, don’t you?”
He sighs. “Aina—”
“Don’t call me that,” I say, cutting him off. “You don’t get to call me that ever again. That’s what I realized, lying broken in the snow.”
His scarred brow raises in curiosity. “What shall I call you then, wife?”
I take a deep breath, holding it in my chest. “If I am to survive this place, I must become something more than Aina, the meek little mortal. I must be seen as your equal in all ways. Loviatar says this is a realm where power is claimed. So, I claim a little for myself now. I claim a new name.”
He smiles, the heat in his gaze enough to set me on fire. “Say it, wife.”
“I am Ainatar.”
He drops his face closer, making me shiver as he traces the tip of his nose along my jaw. “Ainatar...” He tests the syllables, tasting them. “My queen... my goddess... I know what is in your heart.” He places a hand over my chest, fingers splayed. “You told the raven all your hopes and dreams, remember? You told me again under the hill. You want a good man, a kind and beautiful man, strong as the sunrise. A man who will recite poetry and make love to you under the summer sun in a field of wildflowers.”
“Aina wanted that man,” I correct, placing my hand over his, entwining our fingers together. “But I am not Aina anymore. I stopped being Aina the moment our blood bonded us. I am something different now... something more. I feel Ainatar stirring inside me. I feelyou, Tuoni. I feel your want and your passion, your raw, aching need.”
He tries to pull away. “I am a creature of darkness—”
“You aremycreature now,” I counter, holding him to me. “I married you for others, it’s true. But I claim you now for myself. Ainatar doesn’t want a weak, mortal man. A mortal man would see her dead in this place, buried in a shallow grave. I wantyou, husband. I want your fires and your shadows, all your simmering strength. I want the raven’s kindness... the man’s hunger... the god’s power.”
