Page 184 of North Is the Night
Aina, Kalma, and the raven all look to me.
“What?” says Aina. “But—Siiri, you can’t read either.”
I smirk, running a hand through my shoulder-length hair. “Väinämöinen can read, so I can read.” It shocks and delights me. My smile falls as I look at the hopefulness on Aina’s face. “I’ll read it for you,” I say to the raven. Let this be my peace offering. He let us leave Tuonela. I’ll let him say a proper goodbye.
The raven clicks his beak as I take the letter from Aina. The words are scrawled in a confident hand, the ink heavy on the page.
“Well?” Aina asks. “Can you read it?” She already has tears in her eyes, the baby nestled protectively in her arms.
Sighing, I begin. “It says, ‘I, Tuoni, Lord of Death, entrust the care of my son and heir to his mother, Aina Taavintyttär, hereafter known as Ainatar, Queen of Tuonela. The child will be raised in the realm of the living. So I have spoken, so I am bound.’”
“Thank you,” Aina whispers at the raven. “I will never forget this kindness, my lord.”
“There’s more,” I say.
Aina glances up, her free hand stroking the raven’s feathers. “More?”
“He says, ‘My only condition is this: Each year, on the longest day of summer and the longest night of winter, Ainatar must bring the child to me. My son will know his father.’”
“Yes,” Aina rushes to say. “Tuoni, of course. I want him to know you.”
The raven clicks his beak, leaning his head into her touch.
“There’s more,” I say.
She looks back at me. “More? Well, keep reading, Siiri.”
I grimace, reading through the words once first. I glance over the parchment at her. “Aina, I really don’t think I should be the one to read this—”
“There’s none other here,” Aina cries. “Please, Siiri. You must read it for me.Please.”
I sigh again and nod, regretting my generosity immensely. “Right... well, next he says, ‘Aina... my wife, my Aina. Your name is a blessing. Please leave me with hope. I cannot dwell in this darkness without your light. Lie to me if you must, only say there is a place in your heart for me. Let me hear the words from your own lips just once. Tell me you love me.’”
The words hang heavy in the air as we all wait for Aina’s response.
Aina blinks back her tears, looking to the raven. “Tuoni, there is no lie in my heart. You know the truth already. You feel it in the blood bond that sings now between us. I will love you until I die.” She strokes their baby’s soft black hair. “My heart is yours... as yours is mine.”
I sink against the wall, feeling my own heart breaking. I don’t know why I expected anything less. The intimacy between us has grown over the months since our return from Tuonela. We kiss and touch. She sleeps nowhere but by my side. She loves me as her friend, and that will have to be enough.
Aina surprises me when she continues. “If we were only hearts and minds, my heart beating for you would have been enough. I would have stayed and braved your world.” She glances over to me. “But a clever shaman has taught me that we are more than hearts and minds. We are souls too.” She looks to the raven. “You have my heart, Tuoni... but Siiri has my soul.”
My breath catches in my throat.
“Our hearts are broken now, my love,” she murmurs to the raven. “The pain will remain. It will be a constant reminder of what was... what could have been. But youwilllive, Tuoni. I swear it. People live with broken hearts. They cannot live with shattered souls.”
I can’t look away, too afraid to believe the words I’m hearing unless I see Aina’s mouth move to make them.
Aina strokes the raven with a gentle hand. “Without you in my life, I’ll be a cup that is eternally half-empty. This bond in me will ache for you.” She glances up again, her green eyes soft and warm as she makes her declaration to us both. “But without Siiri, I’ll die.”
A tear slips down my cheek, and it takes everything not to go to her.
Aina wipes her own tear away. “So, you see, I had to leave. It wasn’t about you, Tuoni. It was never about you or my love for you. I simply want to live. And my soul cannot thrive in Tuonela. I belonghere. I will always belong here. I belong with Siiri.”
We’re all quiet for a moment. Even the baby is still, content to be held by his mother.
“There’s more,” I say, breaking the silence.
Aina lets out a heavy breath. I can tell on her face that she can’t take much more heartbreak today.
