Page 29 of The Brutal Arrangement

“Lucy?”

I couldn’t react. I couldn’t answer her next to me in the backseat. This ride felt surreal, and I feared that I was stuck in panic mode and that I’d remain frozen forever. I’d never done something like this. I wasn’t an adrenaline junkie or risk-taker. I played by the rules. I followed the law. I was a good person, anormalperson. Doing this “favor” for her was twisting me in knots so tight that I felt like I couldn’t breathe, couldn’t think.

Trapped inside my mind, I felt like I was witnessing my life from an out-of-body experience, unable to move or speak.

“It will be okay. I know this is weird and nothing that you expected. But I am confident things will turn out okay.”

Her words went in one ear and out the other. This clandestine, cloak-and-dagger shit wasn’t something I’d ever feel comfortable with.

But I had to see this through.

I can do this.

I need to do this.

I can manage.

I can do this.

The mantra filled my mind as the car parked.

Katerina had already told me that she’d stay hidden in the car, so woodenly, dully, I exited the car.

Will they notice how badly I shake?

Does this veil hide how my lip is trembling?

How soon will they realize they’ve been duped?

They won’t kill me, right?

I tried to force a swallow, but my throat was so dry that I could barely manage it.

I can do this.

I can.

It had to be no different from before.

Just keep your head down.

Don’t be a bother.

Stay quiet and follow their lead.

I can do this.

In another dizzying blur, I was out of the car and unable to listen to Katerina’s last words of thanks, her paltry reminders that she’d let me know when it was safe to divorce him.

Suddenly, I was outside in the night air. My body moved of its own accord as I locked into this numb state of utter fear.

A guard from this house came out to usher me away from the car, and like a lifeless puppet, I followed. No bags or personal possessions were allowed, and if I weren’t so numb and trapped in my mind, I would’ve stopped to comprehend how much I was like a delivery being dropped at their door.

I can do this.

I can?—

Loud, thudding footsteps sounded from my right, and I tensed just a few feet inside the foyer. Rigid and stiff, I only allowed my eyes to pivot toward the source of the noise.

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