Page 39 of The Brutal Arrangement

15

LUCY

Iwoke up to the slowly increasing light that crept into the room. Feeling the warmth of the morning roused me, but as I blinked and took inventory of where I was, the replay of my wedding night failed to stun me.

It had happened.

It wasn’t a dream. A nightmare.

The soreness between my legs was a vivid sign that I’d lost my virginity. The dryness of my chapped lips indicated that yes, I really had been gagged by my new husband mere minutes after I’d signed my name to a paper.

Disbelief would be a waste of time at this point. As I opened my eyes fully and braced for the monster to realize I was no longer sleeping, I failed to feel any shock or surprise. My reaction time was tightening with this latest traumatic experience. Too soon, I’d be a regular at receiving all the curveballs life wanted to throw my way.

What was one more hit?

What was another scary scenario, anyway?

Ever since my father’s death, then my mother’s gradual decline into dementia and Alzheimer’s, I’d gotten stuck in nonstop survival mode. I was perpetually left waiting for the other shoe to drop, and in technicolor horror, it sure had last night.

I sat up slowly when I realized I was alone in this big bed. Dark browns and blacks made up the décor of this monster’s room, but all that I focused on was that he wasn’t here. I was blissfully left to myself in here.

I shouldn’t have believed Katerina so easily. When she told me that I wouldn’t have to sleep with my husband, that this marriage would be so short that nothing would happen to me, I’d so dumbly taken her word for it.

Damon proved otherwise last night.

But before I could wallow in the depression and fury that he’d taken me the way he had, I struggled to deny that I’d liked it in the end.

He’d made me come when I shouldn’t have been aroused at all.

He’d pushed me to let go and surrender, to just feel for a change, when I shouldn’t have lowered my guard at all.

In the light of this new day, it almost sickened me how much I had ended up benefitting from what he’d done.

I felt guilty, so ashamed that when I thought back to how I came for him, it was a rare moment of complete bliss.

He’d overpowered me so fearlessly, taking charge and commanding me to reach such a height of unexpected pleasure,that it forced me to realize that I’dneverbeen able to let go like that.

Left with nothing but how he’d felt deep inside me, he’d shocked me. He’d stripped me from that instant panic of losing my virginity like that, he’d removed all the ever-present worries about my mom, and he’d obliterated all the questions and uneasiness that surrounded this arrangement.

I heaved out a deep sigh, looking at the slightly red marks on my wrists.

When did he untie me?

Rubbing my thumb over my wrist, I tried to think back to what had happened after I came. I hadn’t blacked out. Vaguely, in a hazy blur, I recalled him roaring as he jerked inside me, flooding me with his cum.

I moved my hand up to my face, confused about when my gag had been undone.

The veil and his dark-blue tie lay on the bed. I was still naked. Sticky and stiff from our cum drying on me, I felt used up and dirty.

Yet as I wondered where he was now and what would happen to me next, I hated the curiosity that filled me about if and when I’d ever feel that total surrender and submission again.

Now what?

Katerina hadn’t prepared me for much. She hadn’t gone to any lengths to explain what I could expect here. She’d only shared that this wedding wouldn’t last long and that I wouldn’t have to stay married to Damon—only long enough for her to find whatever she was looking for at home.

Even if she had given me more pointers, I doubted I’d be able to believe a single word out of her mouth. She’d set me up with the false assumption that these Ivanovs could be “decent” criminals, an oxymoron if I’d ever heard one.

Shaking my head as the questions and dread snuck back into my mind, I swung my legs off the bed and got up. I had no guess where my husband was and if or when he’d come back to me, but that was no excuse to sit here sticky and sore.

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