Page 75 of The Brutal Arrangement

I scowled. “Admit what?”

“You like her,” she said, grinning again.

“I like fucking her.”

She gave me a droll look. “No. It’s more. You’re acting like you miss her. Grumpier than usual.”

I rolled my eyes.

“You don’t like the idea that she would stay married to you just because you can hold her mother’s care against her. As leverage.”

“It’s not. I took over that situation with her mother just so she’d be comfortable. So Lucy wouldn’t stress about it again.”

“Because… you care about her!”

“Fine. Let’s say I could be so stupid as to care about her.” I held my hands up. “I have no fucking clue how to do that. I’m not romantic. I don’t do cutesy, sappy shit.”

“Gee, I don’t know.Tellher. Tell her that you care.” She flung her hand up and sighed. “For God’s sake, have a conversation with her.”

I lowered my head, knowing she was right. I wouldn’t admit it, but I appreciated her perspective on this. It wasn’t easy to love me. I doubted it was easy for her to love Maxim. We weren’t simple men. We lived with violence and didn’t flinch at bloodshed.

“I don’t know how to surrender to that,” I replied.

Because that was what it felt like. Letting Lucy in, giving in to the idea of compassion and love, was too much like forfeiting all my power and control. I couldn’t adjust to being vulnerable.

“I get that.” She patted my hand. “I really do. Maxim and I struggled. We struggled to come to terms with loving each other, and I know it’ll be a battle we’ll fight for the rest of our lives. Stakes will always be higher here.”

She was right about that. I’d almost been killed because of my mother’s untrustworthiness. That was a hell of a high-stakes predicament to overcome and heal from, even after all these years.

“But we take small steps each and every day to remember that our love makes us stronger. Not weaker.” She gave me one last smile before she got up and exited the room, leaving me with a head full of doubt and fear and a sliver of hope in my heart.

29

LUCY

When an Ivanov soldier approached me in the solarium one morning, I tensed up and wondered if this was how the rest of my life would go. If I’d always be on edge and worry that I’d be killed. If I’d forever be untrusted and isolated with no one to speak to on normal grounds.

“Damon asked me to bring this to you,” he explained, standing in front of me at the table where my coffee sat cold.

I raised my brows at the fancy phone. “That’s not mine.”

He nodded. “It is now. He wanted to upgrade your device.”

“All the better to track me, huh?” I seriously wondered who Damon or Maxim thought I’d talk to. I wouldn’t call Katerina. That bridge was burned. “No thanks,” I told the man. “I don’t need it.”

He frowned. “He insisted.” Showing me the screen, he pointed out a contact list. “This is his number, should you ever need it.”

Right. Like I’d need to call my husband.I never went anywhere. And he seemed to have forgotten that I existed. “Sure.”Whatever.Damon had made it crystal clear that he intended to have nothing to do with me. I supposed it took my calling him out on his control issues for him to stay the hell away for good.

It’d just be nice if I could stop fucking missing him already…

“And he wanted to have you set up to view the cameras installed in your mother’s room.” Pulling out a chair, he walked me through logging into the program to watch my mother on a nanny cam. I listened to the man’s explanation, so overjoyed that I couldseeher without the stress and heartache of her not “seeing” or recognizing me when I’d ever visit.

“I’m not sure I understand why…” I shook my head, confused once he showed me how to log in. He also provided me with access to the nurses’ and consultants’ notes about my mother, a live feed of updates on her. “Why is this necessary?”

“I believe Damon wanted you to feel like you could oversee it all. Since we discovered the issues at her last facility, he put these measures in place so that it wouldn’t happen again.”

I frowned. “Issues?”

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