Page 90 of The Brutal Arrangement

He got up to take off his jacket, then rolled up his sleeves. The peek of that ink on his arms intrigued me, as it always did. When he returned to sit next to the tub, he reached over for the cloth I’d intended to use to clean myself. After getting it soaked, he’d dragged it over my arms, intent on comforting me.

This rugged man of mine was a killer. He was a brutal enforcer for the family, but with me, he was the softest, sweetest, and gentlest husband.

Just having him with me relaxed me, and with his support, I knew I’d tough out this morning sickness.

“I wonder what kind of a mother I will be,” I mused aloud.

“A good one.”

I smirked. “I mean what my parenting style would be like.”

He watched me, almost smiling. “Well, what kind of a mother was your mom?”

“Oh, she was patient. Very inclusive of anything I was curious about. She never held me back and always encouraged me to be creative and ask questions.”

“Then I bet you’d be like that, too.”

I took his hand, holding it instead of letting him caress me. I was as calm as I could be now, and my stomach had settled too.

“My mother shouldn’t have any impact on my parenting,” he admitted, frowning after he spoke. Zoning out, he seemed to stare absently at the surface of the water that rippled slightly from the low setting of the jets.

“Because you didn’t know her for long?” I guessed. I was vaguely aware of Beatrice cheating on Grigory, but Maxim and Damonboth avoided talking about her. It seemed like too sensitive of a topic to ask Sloane about.

“No. And she was a terrible mother. Absent. Leaving us with our grandmother or in the care of nannies.”

“I’m sorry.”

He lifted my hand and kissed my knuckles.

“I realized that some people are just not meant to be parents.”

I nodded. “I know what you mean. I’d see that situation in the homes I cleaned as a maid. Where parents would be absent and not care at all.”

“Beatrice didn’t care about us. We ended up being pawns to her. She cheated on my father and slept with the enemy. She was a selfish woman who had no maternal instincts.”

Now I was the one comforting him, rubbing his hand with what I could reach of my thumb.

“She arranged for us to be kidnapped and killed. Just so she could appease her lover, who wanted to see the Ivanov name destroyed.”

“Oh, Damon.” I sat up to hug him, but he urged me to lie back. “I’m so sorry.”

He nodded. “She didn’t accomplish it. Right when Maxim, Nik, and I were led out to be shot execution style, someone tipped off Father and he saved us.”

I sniffled, so overwhelmed by the idea of my husband being dead. Of us never having a chance to meet at all. That was how much I loved him, how much I couldn’t imagine him not being in my life.

“He killed her, of course. She turned traitor, trying to get his sons killed.”

“And she hurt you and your brothers with that deceit.”

“Yes.” He locked his solemn gaze on me. “She did. The pain of her betrayal and the experience of being held hostage, then almost executed, had ruined me for many years.” Again, he kissed the back of my hand, as if he needed the contact to reassure himself that those times couldn’t reach him again. “And it’s why I struggle with control. With needing submission. I had no control as a boy then. I hated the merciless hopelessness I felt before we were shot. Ever since then, it was hard to think of trusting any woman. Grandmother was different. She was present and she cared. She wasn’t at all like Beatrice. But…” He lowered his gaze, almost ashamed to admit his flaws like this.

I was glad he could open up to me like this now, though. It put it all into perspective.

“I understand, Damon. Anyone would’ve struggled like that.”

He sighed and faced me. “I never intended to hurt you when I accused you of lying. It wasn’t a nefarious plan to project you as a liar and someone I couldn’t trust.”

I nodded, then leaned in to kiss his lips. “I understand, Damon.” I forgave him for his earlier treatment because now, knowing this part of his past, I couldn’t fault him at all.

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