Page 59 of Casita Casanova
“What do you mean that it wasn’t always a fair transaction?”
“Just that women wanted me whether I wanted them or not.”
Her quick intake of breath is audible.
I’ve said too much.
The light changes and I step off the curb without her. We’re going to the same place, so I know she’ll catch up, but I don’t want to see that look in her eyes. That… pity.
No one gets topityme.
We walk the rest of the way in silence. When we get back to the house, I separate from her and head to the shed to strip out of my jeans and back into my joggers, then pad barefoot across the grass and up the steps of the back porch.
I knock on the door before I open it, then make my way through the kitchen to the small dining table in the living room, finding the table set and the tacos displayed on a large tray in the center.
Like last night, Maryn is seated in the chair farthest from the kitchen. I sit in the one directly across from her. She focuses on her food, but every so often, I catch her watching me. She’s analyzing, trying to read me like a book, but this book’s been closed for a long time and it will take more than Maryn’s big brown eyes to dust off the pages.
We’re ten minutes into dinner and I’m three tacos in when she finally breaks the silence. “Do you think relationships are transactional?”
I stop chewing and look up at her across the table. Last night, we had a much different conversation and she kicked me out. Tonight,I’muncomfortable. I gave her too much insight into who I am—and now she wants to know more. With women, it’s just never enough.
“Yes,” I finally say. “Don’t you?”
Maryn frowns, then wipes her face. “No, not really.”
“Why not? It’s a give and take. Someone always gives more. Someone always takes.”
She breathes deeply through her nose, watching me.
“Have you ever been in a relationship?”
“Nope.” This is something she can use against me, use it to justify why I’m too young, but fuck it. If I lie, she’ll know it; my disdain for relationships is apparent in everything I’ve done up until this point. Even if she doesn’t know who I am now, she’ll find out eventually, and she’ll see it all, laid out bare on the world wide web. I don’tdorelationships.
“Have you ever been in love?”
Shaking my head, I take another bite.
“Love isn’t like money, Cas.”
My shoulders tense.
“It’s not a transaction. You don’t keep a log of how much you’ve spent.” She tilts her head and her eyes narrow as she watches me. “Do you understand what I mean?”
My jaw is tight, the food turning to paste in my mouth. Do I understand? Like I’m fucking dense? “Yeah, Maryn. I think I can comprehend.”
She flinches at my brusque response, but there’s no mistaking that look in her eyes. She feels sorry for me.
Fuck this.I push my chair back and stand. “I think I’m going to call it a night.”
“Cas, wait… what…?” She pauses, then shakes her head. “Never mind. Thank you for dinner. I’ll clean up.”
I give her a curt nod, then leave through the kitchen.
So much for burying my face between her thighs tonight. It would probably be a pity fuck anyway.
Chapter Twenty
Maryn
