Page 29 of Because You Loved Me

“All right.” He claps me on my shoulder before heading up the stairs to get his phone.

I wipe the counters and go upstairs. I walk into Skyler’s bedroom and sit on the end of her bed. Kiki’s lying next to her reading her a bedtime story. This is the second night in a row that Skyler has had Kiki read to her instead of me. I’m glad she’sbonding so well with Kiki, but a part of me feels jealous that Kiki gets to share that with Skyler.

I mentally shake my head. That’s insane. I hired a nanny because I couldn’t do it all myself. And now I’m jealous that the nanny is doing what I hired her to do. I should be seeing a therapist.

The story ends and Skyler looks up at Kiki. Her brown hair curls at the ends, perfectly framing her adorable five-year-old face. A light smattering of freckles adorns her tiny nose and cheeks. She places her hand on Kiki’s arm. “Will you read to me every night?”

“Of course.” Kiki smiles at her.

“In the funny voices?”

“Yes.” Kiki nods.

“And you won’t leave?” Skyler’s eyes are wide as she stares at Kiki.

My heart jumps into my throat. Skyler was too young when Courtney left to really remember her. She’s only asked about her a few times. I always tell her that her mother loves her but couldn’t stay here with us. She had to leave. And now I’m wondering if that was the wrong thing to say. My mouth goes dry as I worry I’ve scarred my daughter.

Kiki swallows, and it looks like she’s getting emotional. I can’t quite tell if it’s because she feels bad for Skyler not having a mother, or if it’s for another reason. Instead of answering her question, Kiki kisses the top of her head. “I’m here right now,” she says, her voice froggy.

“Will you be here tomorrow?”

“Yes.”

“And forever?”

Kiki wipes at her cheek. She’s crying. Why is she crying? I don’t like it. I stand and walk around the bed, ruffling Skyler’shair. “She’ll be here tomorrow, and the next day. She’s your nanny. Now, it’s time to sleep.” I kiss Skyler goodnight.

Kiki slips out of the bedroom, and I finish tucking Skyler in before turning out the light and leaving. Kiki’s not in the hallway. I walk toward the stairs and see her standing just inside her bedroom. The door is cracked, and I can see her hunched over, her hand on her face.

“Kiki?” I ask quietly.

She jerks toward me, wiping at her cheeks. “What?”

“You okay?”

She takes hold of the door, like she’s using it to steady herself. “Yeah.”

It’s obvious she’s not okay. But I have no idea what to do. I want to fix it somehow. But I can’t fix it if I don’t know why she’s upset. I hope it wasn’t anything I did. “What’s wrong?”

“It’s nothing, really. I’ve just had an emotional day.” She lowers her gaze.

Of course. She’s still upset about Violet. “Want me to make you a cup of herbal tea?”

She lets out a small laugh. “I can make herbal tea.”

“I know.” I’m not sure what to say. I wasn’t really asking if she wanted me to make her tea. I was trying to see if she wanted to come talk to me. But now I feel awkward saying that out loud. So, I just stand there.

“Yes. I’ll take some tea,” she finally says, hugging her arms.

“Come on. I’ll show you the selection.”

We head downstairs and enter the kitchen. I pull out the box with all the teas and she sorts through them, picking out a raspberry mint one. I choose a vanilla honey one and grab two mugs. I fill the tea kettle and set it on the electric base. “What’s your life’s ambition?” I ask, trying to fill the silence as we wait for the water to heat.

She shrugs. “I don’t have one.”

I take a step back, surprised. “None?”

A blush graces her cheeks. “I mean, nothing grand.”

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