Page 75 of Because You Loved Me

“When I was little, she would make homemade play dough. She would let me pick the color, and I could put in a few drops of food coloring. That was my favorite part. She would put these latex gloves on me so I could knead the coloring into the dough. One time I got too excited and started kneading the dough without the gloves. My hands were blue for about a week.” Kiki laughs, and I chuckle along with her.

“That’s funny.”

Kiki sighs. “If I could do things over, I would have made better choices. I regret so much. I don’t blame her for disowning me.”

I freeze, not wanting to even breathe, for fear I will make Kiki clam up. This feels like progress. Is she going to tell me what happened? She doesn’t continue, though, so I gently graze my thumb along her skin. “What would you do over?”

She takes a long drink of her water. I pick mine up as well. It’s a warm evening and the cool water feels good. Finally, she says, “Everything.”

Disappointment washes over me, like the ocean water below. I know she feels terrible about her past, but I have no clue what she did that she regrets so much. We’ve become close. Can’t she trust me now? Why is she still holding back?

“It’s okay,” I whisper, swallowing back my hurt feelings. I know she’ll tell me when she’s ready. I kiss the top of her head.

She looks up at me. “If you’re going to kiss me, do it properly.”

I take our glasses and set them on the table next to the swing. “I’d be happy to,” I say as I cup her face.

She slides close and puts her arms around my neck, making the swing move erratically. My lips capture hers before she can say anything else, and I feel dizzy with the kiss and the movement of the swing. I explore her lips, our breaths intermingling. I don’t know where I end and where she begins.

I need her in my life. I don’t know if she’s still planning on leaving, but I need to change her mind. I’m in love with her. If she left now, it would shatter me.

I pull back from her, breathless. As I look into the depths of her blue eyes, my desire to know her—all of her—deepens. “What happened in your past?” I blurt out.

Kiki pulls back from me, her gaze darting away. Her features harden, and she stiffens. The air is sucked out of my lungs as she emotionally pulls away from me. She wants to run from me, I can tell. She has a wound, and I took a stick and poked at it.

I instantly feel terrible for bringing it up. “Never mind,” I quickly say. “You don’t have to tell me right now.”

That was the wrong thing to say. I can see it all over her face. She doesn’t want to tell me—ever.

Kiki jumps up from the swing. “I should probably get to bed.”

She disappears into the house, and I exhale and run a hand through my hair. I feel bad for bringing it up, yet a part of me knows if she can’t ever fully open up to me, our relationship won’t work. You can’t build a relationship on mistrust. For some reason, Kiki can’t bring herself to fully trust me, and that’s a major problem.

But I’m in love with her and I can’t let her go. Not right now. I need her too much. I’m going to have to find a way to get her to trust me enough to let me in.

CHAPTER 32

KIKI EMERSON

Ellie pats my arm. “That’s perfect, dear.”

I finish hanging the string lights that Tobias and I bought at the craft store and climb down from the ladder. I take a step back to look at it. “It’s not crooked?”

Ellie shakes her head. She’s wearing a bright pink dress with a massive hat that matches. It totally suits her personality. I’m wearing the sunflower dress and sandals Tobias bought me, which makes me feel beautiful, even though I don’t deserve to feel that way. I’m a terrible person.

“No,” Ellie says, “it looks great. Come help me set up the classroom now.”

I walk into the other room with her. The tables and chairs are stacked at the back wall. “We had an event in here last night, so we need to re-assemble the room. Can you start unfolding the tables?”

“Of course.”

She beams at me. “You’re the sweetest thing, Miss Kiki. I’m so glad you moved to Willow Shade. Will you help me decorate for the Fourth of July? The island goes all out, and I need ideas for the gallery.”

I bite the inside of my cheek. I won’t be here for Fourth of July. “Sure,” I force out as I try not to fall apart.

Ellie and I walk to the back of the room, and she tugs on a table. “You and Tobias seem to be getting along well. I know you said you’re just friends, but I can’t help but think how nice you two look together.” She gives me the side-eye.

I knew this line of questioning would come. Ellie and Josephine are the town matchmakers. “He’s a really nice man.”

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