Page 11 of Knot Our Reality

Sasha is on the shorter side for alphas, standing at only 5’9”, but it’s one of the things that made him such an amazing ballet dancer. His dirty blond hair is spiked up, and I know he has ice-blue eyes. Why? Because I’ve always had a crush on him—another thing I shared with Ryan.

“Hello, Emilia.” Even in those two words, Sasha’s Russian accent is obvious. “It is nice meet you.”

I gape at him, my mouth moving up and down, but no words coming out as hints of leather and vanilla reach me.

Sasha’s smile only grows. “Do not tell me you are big of fan as Remington.”

All I can do is nod, still unable to speak. What the hell is wrong with me?

“Then I can assume you know who I am. I am no longer dancing but training to run company when owner retires next year. I am alpha and thirty-six. I was on first season ofHeatedwith Bree until I had to leave unexpectedly.”

I nod again, feeling like an idiot. “My beta and I loved going to your shows,” I blurt, flushing and wondering if I can die from embarrassment. Now would be a good time to do so if I can.

Sasha’s smile falls away as he nods. “From your first pack?”

“Yes,” I admit, eyes falling shut as guilt hits me square in the gut and pain rushes through me once again. Tears prickle beneath my lids, and I fight against them.

“It is okay to speak of them,” he says softly. “You loved them. They were yours. They were big part of your life for a long time.”

There’s no fighting the tears as I blink my eyes open to meet his gaze. “I’ve found most men don’t like it when you discuss past lovers.”

Sasha scoffs. “Then they not real men. We all have past. If we hide that from one another, then we not show how they have changed us.”

I hold my breath, fighting against the sobs trying to rise from my chest.

I cannot fall apart on national television—not again. Not when meeting a suitor.

“Oh,kotyonok.” Sasha’s voice is soft as he pulls me into his arms. I have no idea what he just called me, but I like it. “Let it out. Let it go. It does no good to keep inside.”

I open my mouth to tell him I’m fine, but a wail spills from me instead. My body shakes as my sobs escape, my tears falling harder as I cling to this stranger.

Why am I allowing him to hold me while I cry over what I lost?

No, the better question is why am I clinging to him when I cry over the men I love and lost?

Why is he allowing it?

I’m a mess.

I don’t know how long we stand there, my tears soaking his tux as he whispers to me. Half of what he says is in Russian, so I don’t understand it, but it still helps settle me.

“Damn it,” I say as I pull back. “I’m not supposed to cry on people when I first meet them.”

“Or maybe that’s exactly what you should do.” Sasha grins. “You have been holding pain inside of you for too long. If this is what you need, then I am happy I was here. Do you want to tell me about your beta? What was his name?”

“Ryan,” I answer out of habit before shaking my head. “No. I should be getting to know you, not speaking about him.”

“Says who?” he asks with a frown. “You smile when you speak of him. I want to see you smile more, so you speak of him. Talking about him lets me get to knowyou.”

I want to argue with him, but I think it’s just out of habit. “What do you want to know?”

“Start with telling me about your shared love of ballet.”

“No one was more surprised than me that Ryan loved ballet. He was one of those betas who was the size of an alpha. He was a jock—on the football, hockey, and lacrosse teams. I honestly thought he was an alpha when I met him. He might have liked sports, but he loved all the things he wasn’t supposed to—ballet, the opera, getting his nails done. If it wassupposed to be a ‘girlie’ thing, he loved it. He looked hard on the outside, but he loved all the soft things. He would’ve been a good omega.”

Sasha nods. “You liked his contradictions.”

I consider him for a moment before nodding. “I did. I liked that he looked like one thing but was something completely different. He was the one I fell in love with first.”

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