Page 30 of Knot Our Reality

What a douche.

The movie starts playing, and I’m amazed at how easy it is to see, even though it’s sunny outside. That had been my main concern about setting this up, but Bree assured me she could make it work, and she did.

I’m more than a little jealous of these women’s connections.

We make it through the first movie and half of the second before lunch arrives, and we take a break to eat.

Now that the animosity between the four of them is gone, I find it just as comfortable to be around them as I did the day one suitors.

I’m also beginning to realize there’s no way the show is going to go how I wanted it to. Because I already care about all eight of the men I’ve met so far. I don’t want to hurt any of them and expecting them to be okay with an omega who just wants to be friends is going to do just that.

While we chatted through the movies and lunch, I find myself lost in my thoughts as we turn the movie back on. The four of them are still chatting, but I can’t bring myself to focus on them or the movie.

Now that I know this is going to be so much more than just finding a pack to keep my kids safe, can I really do this? Can I build a pack to replace the one I lost?

No. Of course I can’t, and I shouldn’t try to.

That’s not what any of us want. All it’ll do is cause everyone pain.

“A penny for your thoughts,” Dylan says quietly as the third movie ends.

At some point, he and Ian must have switched spots, but I completely missed it.

“What?”

Dylan chuckles. “We could tell you were doing some heavy thinking, and we didn’t want to interrupt, so we let you be. But your scent tells me you’re struggling with something. If you’d like to talk it out with us—either as a group or with just one of us—we’re happy to do that for you.”

“I just—” I break off, looking between them. “This is going to make me sound really bad.”

“I doubt it,” Ian interjects. “But we’ll keep that in mind.”

I take a deep breath before spilling how I planned to handle being on the show. Of how I realized yesterday that my plan was falling apart, and how today confirmed it. Once I finish, I stare down at my lap, afraid of their responses.

A hand lands on my leg, and I look up to see Dalton smiling at me. “You’re scared.”

“I’m not—” Obviously, my knee-jerk reaction is to say I’m not scared, but of course I am. “Yes, I guess. I just…I don’t…”

“It’s okay,” Dylan assures me. “You don’t have to know how to handle everything. Of course, you feel overwhelmed when you thought you were going to be able to handle this one way, only to realize you can’t. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

Maverick nods. “Maybe trying to force yourself to have a plan is what’s giving you this hang-up. Well, that and you worrying about what your pack would think. I can’t speak to that—you knew them best. But so did your family, so if you’re really struggling with that, maybe it’s something you can talk to Remington about when you see him on family day.”

Ian kneels in front of me again, drawing my attention to him. “My suggestion? Take it one day at a time. You don’t need to figure everything out right now. According to Lucas, it’s time for us to head back to the compound. You still have eight suitors to meet and go on dates with. Maybe once you’ve met all of us, you’ll know what to do. If you don’t, then that’s okay too.”

“What we’re trying to tell you,” Dalton begins, “is that it’s okay to not be sure. To not be okay. To not know what the hell you want. As long as you’re being honest with yourself.”

I nod slowly. They’ve given me something to think about. It doesn’t solve anything, but maybe Ian is right. Maybe I need to just meet the rest of the suitors—be more open to the idea of a pack.

Because I don’t need to talk to Remington to know that Ryan, Gerald, Maxwell, and Davis would want me to be happy. They wouldn’t want me to be alone for the rest of my life. They’d want me to have a pack that cares about me and that will take care of me now that they’re gone.

“Yeah, okay.”

Ian’s smile is soft as he pushes to his feet before helping me stand. He walks me over to Lucas and Mike, who move to each side of me as we walk back to the SUV. The four of them walk behind us quietly.

“Are you doing okay, omega?” Lucas asks, and I shrug.

“I have no idea. I think so? But maybe not?” I snort. “I’m a mess.”

Mike chuckles. “There’s nothing wrong with that, Emilia. I know you’ve always been the girl with all her ducks in a row, but maybe it’s time to live outside your comfort zone.”

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