Page 67 of Bloody Temptations

I told him that I needed to think about, well, everything, but there is no way I can turn down this opportunity. Not after I already threw away Kai like old rubbish.

No. I squeeze my eyes shut in the dark and count slowly to ten like Matteus said to do. I think he was waiting for some poor, pitiful vampire to come along to unleash his advice on, because he had a lot of it. Like, if he knows how to create a spreadsheet—sometimes it can be iffy with older vamps—he would very definitely be making me one right now on all the ways to fix my life.

Starting withreframing my negative thoughts. It was a part of theHow to Stop Catastrophizingportion of the conversation. Matteus has decided I’m somewhat melodramatic and given to being a bit of a pill, and that I should probably knock it off if I want a chance to be happy.

So, maybe Ihaven’tfucked things up with Kai, just because I got embarrassingly drunk and accused him of wanting to sleep with other people because I’m not worthy of him. AndmaybeI’ve been too hard on myself and I should, I don’t know, accept that he likes me. Or something.

Even as I tell myself this, it all feels wrong. Stupid even. But Matteus said that it would in the beginning, until I learnt to accept that it was the truth.

Good Gods, this personal growth thing he has planned sounds terrible.

And I still have to deal with Kai.

My first instinct—which is how I know it’s the wrong thing to do—is to ghost him entirely and pretend the whole thing with him never existed. To tell myself that it’s better forhimif I just let him goback to his life. That it probably didn’t even affect him very much, because I’m too insignificant to have any real impact on his life.

According to Matteus, ‘it is distinctly unfair to deny him his very real and valid feelings because they contradict the perception of yourself, caused by your deeply rooted insecurities’.

I’m not entirely sure what happened in Matteus’s life, or with his maker. But I would put solid money on him having read a lot of self help books. Which is funny, because when he saw me out, the staff seemed more than mildly terrified of him.

A loud buzzing sound rips through the silent apartment, my phone switching on like a horror movie jumpscare. It’s doubly scary, because with it on I have run out of excuses for avoiding thinking about Kai.

I’m tempted to let the group chat with Bedeer and everyone distract me. There’s certainly enough messages to do so. My finger hovers over the chat icon, with its high double digit notification badge, before I shut my eyes and smash my thumb on Kai’s message thread. The one with the single notification.

Fuck.

Kai (Hot Vampire Bartender)

Finn, I hope you are feeling okay this morning.

Can we meet to talk?

xx

My head spins, all the blood rushing to my extremities. They tingle and throb from the flood. My heart squeezes and my stomach knots itself inside out.

It’s not the most romantic message, but then, he’s not the one that owes an apology, is he? It’s midnight. I don’t know if I have time to catch a bus back to the cityandtalkandget home without having to rush the conversation. Dawn is coming earlier and earlier.

I should invite him here. The thought pops up and, before I can dismiss it, I send him a message.

Did you want to come to mine?

I chew a hole in my lip waiting for a response. I should have written more. I should have apologised. I just wanted to send the message before I wussed out. I fucked it—

I’ll be there in thirty minutes max.

See you soon Finny.

Well shit. I sit up, looking around my apartment, even though it’s pitch black and I can’t see a thing. This is it.

21

Kai

I knock on theapartment door and try not to vomit from nerves. On the other side I can hear the dull thuds of Finn scrambling to answer the door. My heart is beating painfully hard. It feels like it’s doubling in size with each beat. I pull at my tee shirt, and shift my weight on my feet before jamming my hands in the pockets of my jeans to stop myself from doing something dumb like mess up my hair.

The door finally swings open, and there he is. Fuck, I want to kiss him so bad. I even lurch forward, temporarily forgetting that I’m pretty sure I can’t do that, before I jolt back.

Finn fidgets with the door handle, staring at me with his bright green eyes. They look redder than usual. Not just from the vamp-ring. Bloodshot, like he’s been crying. In fact, he looks just as fucked as I feel. There is a sore on his lip from where he’s obviously bitten it. There’s still blood pooling there.

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