Page 27 of Icebreaker

When Axel grabbed his stick and turned to leave, I brushed my fingers against his wrist. He paused, and our eyes met for a fleeting instant. I saw the man I wanted looking back at me.

"I'm here," I whispered. "No matter what. I'm not going anywhere."

He held my gaze for nearly a full minute, and then, with a slight nod, he turned away, and the weight of the world settled back onto his shoulders.

***

Later that evening, I texted Axel, hoping to chip away at his icy shell.

"Hey, want to grab a drink? I'm a little bored here at home."

I watched the "delivered" message appear on my screen, but minutes ticked by with no response. Finally, I read:

"Can't tonight. Got some stuff to do."

I stared at the screen. "Stuff to do?" Didn't the plans we'd discussed so many times count as that?

For the next few days, Axel's absence occupied my mind all day long. His short texts and avoidance of me at practice gnawed at my confidence. Was it me? Was I too young or not enough for him? Did he regret our relationship?

I stepped up and called him, hoping to hear his voice on the phone and find some reassurance in his comments. He answered on the third ring, and he sounded exhausted.

"Quinn…hey."

"I just wanted to check in." I tried to keep my voice calm. "We haven't talked much lately, and I miss you."

After a pause, Axel sighed. "I miss you, too. It's just my damned complicated life."

"Dante? I've seen him around and know that can't be easy."

Axel was quiet, and I thought I could hear him shuffling the words around and choosing them carefully. "It's been…a lot. He stirs up all the memories and questions. I thought I'd put it behind me, but…" His voice trailed off.

"I'm here for you. You don't have to take this on all by yourself."

"Maybe I do."

I breathed deeply and tried to ignore the lump in my throat. "I understand, but don't forget…me, okay? I love you, Axel."

There…I'd said it for the first time out loud. A shiver raced through me as I waited for the response.

For a moment, I wondered whether he'd hung up on me, but then I heard his voice, soft and tender once more. "I love you, too. Please believe that. We'll get through this. I just need a little more time."

A few minutes later, we said our goodbyes, and I stared at the phone in my hand. Axel's words echoed through my mind. The tone of his voice was reassuring, but the request to wait tied my stomach up in knots. I wanted to believe him and trust that we'd come out the other end of the Dante mess stronger than ever, but then I pictured Dante's smirk, and I didn't know.

I tried to project a positive attitude, chatted with my teammates and smiled through practices and games. Unfortunately, every time I looked at Axel, my heart ached.

A few days after the phone call, Axel finally agreed to meet for one-on-one time. We made reservations for dinner at our favorite Italian restaurant. He suggested it, and I saw a glimmer of his old self when he talked about his love for the homemade bolognese sauce.

I arrived early. Butterflies took flight in my gut. It felt almost like a first date. I'd spent a few extra minutes in front of themirror, making sure I wore a shirt in a color I knew Axel liked. I wanted the night to be perfect, a new start.

The host agreed to my request to sit at our usual table. While I waited for Axel to arrive, I fiddled with the napkin in my lap. Soon, it was five minutes after our agreed meeting time, and then it was ten. I checked my phone and found no messages. With my hands starting to tremble, I told myself he was just running late.

When the server approached again to ask if I was ready to order, my gut ached. I punched in Axel's number and held the phone to my ear.

It rang three times and then went to voicemail. I hung up.Where is he?I didn't want to entertain the thought that something had happened to him. Those fears were never far away ever since my parents' accident.

I waited for a full hour, nursing a glass of wine while conversations buzzed around me. I listened to the cheerful clink of silverware on plates with envy. Finally, I paid my bill and left, feeling utterly defeated.

As I approached my car, my phone vibrated with a text from Axel.

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