Page 45 of Icebreaker

Dante blinked, and I saw a hint of pain in his expression. He spit out the bitter truth. "Think of you? I thought about you through all of it. Every decision I made was full of agony." His voice rose to a shout, and his hands balled into fists at his side. "Did you think I enjoyed lying? Did you think it was fun for me to watch you suffer?"

He stepped forward, and I saw wildness in his eyes, making him look like a cornered animal. Axel flinched, but he held his ground.

"I loved you, Axel." Dante's voice cracked. "But I was weak. I was scared. It led to a choice I'll likely regret as long as I live. My survival instincts kicked in."

Axel's seething anger was apparent in his response. "Survival? You were playing it like it was that stupid game show. How did it feel to kick me off the island and leave me to drown?"

His voice broke. "You sacrificed everything we had, Dante. For what? To return to a mediocre career as a hockey player? You were no better than me on the ice, and what do we have to show for it now? No league leading stats. No All-Star games. "

"But you're a star now." Dante reached up and wiped at his nose with his sleeve.

Axel laughed loudly. "Star of a first-season expansion team trying to scrape its way out of the cellar? Do you think that's superstardom, Dante? Yeah, right. All you did was leave me behind to take all of the heat. How do you think that felt?"

Both fell silent, and I fought back tears. A mix of emotions swirled inside me. I felt anger for the injustice they both faced and sadness for the pain it rained down on them.

Axel would never be mentioned in the same breath as a Gretzky or a Lidstrom, but his teammates looked up to him, and now, he had me. I didn't care what people thought about myhockey career when we were together. I had the best man in the world at my side.

Dante spoke again. "I didn't just move on. It nearly broke me, too. A few years later, my career ended, and I had nothing. I'd let you slip through my fingers. I was 33 and felt like I'd lived my entire life with only the shadow of a scandal to show for it."

Axel's voice was low and soft. "Yes, you did that. You let me go."

"I'm sorry. It's a cold world out there, and I…I did what I thought I had to do."

"And you left me to deal with the aftermath." Axel's voice was raw and strained. "I was alone. How am I supposed to ever forgive that?"

Dante sighed heavily, his eyes glassy. "I don't know that you can, and maybe you shouldn't. Still, I'm sorry. Truly."

Axel squeezed my hand. His voice dropped to barely above a whisper. "I needed you then, but I need something else now. If you are sorry like you say, you've got to help clear the air. Put this mess to be for both of us."

Dante sounded weary. "You know, when they first caught us, and everything started to come out, I thought maybe…maybe we could change things, but the backlash was instant. Reporters, players, and fans all went on the attack. It was brutal…overnight, I was a guy to avoid like the plague.

He paused, and his shoulders sagged like the weight of the memories was too much to bear. "Hockey's not just a game. It has its own culture, and those other guys on the team are like your brothers. In that world, there's a mold you're supposed to fit, just like in a family. I worked hard to be what everyone wanted me to be. Then, I met you, Axel. You shattered the glass, and I didn't want to let you get away."

I watched Axel as he stared at Dante. His eyes showed little to no emotion while he listened.

"Did you always assume I didn't fight?" Dante asked. "I did, in the beginning, but when every snide comment in the locker room and every dirty look on the ice was about me, I struggled. The sport chews you up if you don't conform. They weren't ready to accept us. They weren't even close."

He shook his head. "And they still aren't ready. I read the headlines about the so-called support for diversity, but it's lip service. Underneath, everybody still labors under the same old prejudices. They don't want players like us."

Dante's voice dropped to a whisper, and I learned new information that shocked me. "I told you that I lost everything once, Axel. A brutal accident stole my first true love. I went into such a tailspin that my hockey career nearly ended, and my peers started to doubt me."

He took a long, deep breath. "You brought me out of all of that, but then the media vultures found us. I couldn't face having another man ripped away from me. I had to run. It had to be my choice that time. I was scared. No, terrified. Hockey was the only thing left I could hang on to, and to keep it, I had to let you go."

Dante looked down and finally relaxed the fists he had clenched at his sides. "Maybe I'm a coward for how I responded, and I should have been stronger. Damn…I don't know. Every time I considered standing up and fighting back, it felt like I was setting myself up for another knockdown."

He raised his head to look at us. "I didn't want what happened to you, Axel, and I don't want anything bad for the two of you now. I might have said a few things, but that was my envy of where you are now talking. You see, I did love you, and I still do, but I know it's over…for good."

I swallowed hard. My gut twisted itself into knots.

"The truth is…this sport that we all love isn't made for men like us. Not yet. And fighting it right now feels like battling giants with nothing but your bare hands."

As Dante explained his doubts about the hockey community's readiness for players like us, it was easy to see the toll it had all taken on him. The light in his eyes dimmed as he spoke, and his shoulders slumped. I felt a pang of empathy for him, but I still held onto my resolve that my story with Axel would be different.

As Dante finished, Axel straightened beside me and gripped my hand tighter. Strength radiated from him, and I knew he had no thoughts about backing down.

"I hear you, Dante." Axel's voice was firm, soft, and controlled. "I know it's tough. I experienced it firsthand. The backlash was real, and the road it put me on was a damn hard one, but things are changing. It might be at a snail's pace, but they are. Quinn and I—we're part of the change. We believe that we can make a difference. That's new for me."

I edged closer to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with Axel. My heart swelled with pride and fierce affection for him. He was courageous. He could have accepted defeat like Dante, but he didn't let that happen.

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