Page 55 of Icebreaker

Chapter eighteen

Quinn

On a rare off day in November, Axel came up with an idea to hang out and be lazy, just the two of us. I jumped on the idea after so much non-stop activity. Flopping down on his couch with him, I nestled my head into his shoulder while we half-watched a movie.

Less than fifteen minutes into the film, his phone chimed with an incoming text message. He looked at the screen and punched at something. While I tried to concentrate on the movie action, I heard a grunt from Axel.

Turning to look at him, I saw his face turn pale and his jaw clenched. He growled and dropped the phone screen down on his lap.

"What's wrong? Is it something with your dad or Maja?" I sat up straight, feeling a prickly sensation at the back of my neck.

"No, nothing like that. Max just sent a link to a stupid gossip site."

I knew it couldn't be just any ordinary article. Axel was far too tense, with his hands clenched at his sides. I grabbed the phone. My heart began to pound when I read the headline.

"NHL's First Openly Gay Couple: Inside Their Fairy Tale Romance"

The sentiment of the piece wasn't negative, but as I read, I became wary of the content, particularly after seeing Axel's response. The article featured a splashy photo of us directly below the headline, probably snapped as we left the arena after practice. We were laughing, and we leaned in close with our hands touching. It was a charming and intimate moment but not one I wanted to share with the entire world.

I scrolled down, read the article, and my stomach churned. The author made up wild suggestions, speculating about us. Cheap psychoanalytic garbage tried to turn our relationship into a ridiculous cliché.

"Inside sources tell us that Karlsson, age 35, might be trying to revisit his younger days when he romances hot 24-year-old rookie sensation Quinn O'Reilly. What would O'Reilly see in the older player? We say he wouldn't be the first young gay man to seek a daddy figure on and off the ice."

I continued reading the article, but soon I couldn't stomach it any longer. With shaking hands, I tossed the phone to the opposite end of the couch from us.

My voice shook. "That's such utter bullshit. Who wrote that? Inside sources? What the hell? They don't mention who their sources are. I think this is all some idiot's fucking imagination."

Axel was quiet. He stared past the TV into the distance. I couldn't read his response, and when I reached out, he pulledaway and suddenly stood. While I watched, he began to pace back and forth in the living room.

When he spoke, it was in quiet, measured tones. "Maybe they're not entirely wrong."

His words felt like a sucker punch. "What?"

"What they're describing isn't entirely unheard of. I've seen it happen myself." He looked away from me, and his brow furrowed like he'd lost himself in a painful memory.

I frowned and made room for him to join me back on the couch. "What do you mean?"

He sat back beside me and looked into my eyes. "I haven't told you this story yet. Back when I was still in the minors, there was this older journeyman guy on my team. He took me under his wing and showed me the ropes. It was great at first, and I looked up to him. He had many qualities I admired—skilled, confident, respected."

I nodded and reached out for Axel's hands while he continued the story.

"So, after a while, I realized his feelings for me were more than just friendly. He looked for opportunities to touch me and hang out, just the two of us. It was flattering…at first. Why wouldn't it be? This guy I admired was interested in me."

A cold stone settled in the pit of my stomach. "And what happened?"

Axel shrugged. "The usual, I guess. I let it go on for a while. He bought me drinks and took me out. When I got home later, I told myself it was all harmless and he was just a playful friend. Deep down, though, I knew what was going on. I didn't want to end it because I got a lot of validation and approval."

"And how did it end?"

Axel summed it up in one word. "Badly. I finally understood that I was in over my head, and I didn't have the same feelings for him that he had for me. When I told him it had to end, he gotangry. He yelled at me and then left, slamming the door. It was like something you'd see on TV."

"And you think we're like that?" My voice was sharper than I intended.

Axel sighed, his shoulders slumping as he slowly ran a hand over his face. "Think about it. I'm much older than you, and I have a history. Fuck, I've got more baggage than an entire airport, and you, you're just starting out. Your whole career is out there for you to grab. What if…" He swallowed and whispered the following words. "What if they're right? What if you are looking for a father figure to help guide and take care of you?"

I stared at him in disbelief. Could hereallybelieve that? "No, that's not…we're not about thatat all. What would even make you think that?"

He shrugged, and I saw a small, sad smile on his face. "You wouldn't be the first guy, and I'm not saying it's wrong. I'm just pretty fucked up for a father figure. You could do a hell of a lot better looking for a mentor. I'd love to be that someday for kids, but so far, I suck at it."

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