Page 56 of Icebreaker
Anger surged through my body. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I fought the urge to walk out and slam the apartment door behind me. Instead, I stood and faced Axel toe-to-toe. "Fuck all of that. I don't believe any of it. What we have is real, and it's got nothing to do with me looking for a fucking daddy figure. Isn't that why we all have a coach?"
Axel stared at me, and I could see the emotions fighting in his eyes. "Then what are we about? I try not to think of it much, but what exactly do you see in me? I'd think you could do a whole lot better than an old man with a fucked-up past that refuses to go away."
Ireached out andgrabbed his face in my hands, forcing him to look into my eyes. "Don't you get it? It's about love, and I can'tfucking explain that in words. I shouldn't have to. It's all about the fact that I love every fucking inch of you—the good, the bad, the scars, and yeah, the baggage, too. I love you, Axel."
His breath caught as he grabbed my hands. "Quinn…"
"No, I'm not finished. I'mabsolutelynot looking for a father figure or working out any daddy issues. That's not who you are. I love how strong, brave, and just fucking amazing you are. I love that idiots like Dante couldn't bring you down. You've taught me so much about survival and resilience. You make me feel alive likenobody's ever done."
Axel took a long, deep breath, and it looked like I might finallybe gettingthrough to him. "I love you, too, so fucking much, but do you know how much this scares me? Every day, sometimes every hour, I worry that I'm going to fuck this up, and this time it won't be just my life. It will be yours, too. You're the best man I've ever been with, Quinn, and I don't know that I could bear it if I screwed something up for you."
He was spiraling. Doubts and insecurities threatened to drown him. I had to attack from another direction and find a way to break the tension. There had to be a way to bring Axel back to me, to us.
I grinned slightly. "You know what?If I were with some squirrelly guy my age, I'd havea whole different set ofproblems.There's no way it would be better."
Axel opened his eyes a little wider. "What are you talking about?"
I reached out for his hands. "I'd have to deal with the usual young guy stuff. It's not a picnic. He'd probably be more interested in his phone than me. He'd always be scanning social media, posting selfies, trolling for likes."
Axel started to smile. "Yeah? Is that what you're like?"
"Without a guy who has the guts to take me on and help guide me deeper into life, yeah, maybe.Also,don't evengetmestartedon the immaturity of most guys my age.He'd giggle at every stupid dirty joke or fart joke, and he'd probably be making them himself—constantly."
Axel chuckled. "That's funny, but it sounds like it could be exhausting."
"You're not kidding," I agreed, getting warmed up. "And in bed? He'd be a mess of fumbling hands and too much enthusiasm. There'd be no finesse and skill. It would all be wham, bam…"
A massive laugh from Axel interrupted me. "And how would you know that? You're not exactly a fountain of experience."
I winked. "Let's just call it an educated guess. What I'm trying to say is I'm not missing out on anything betterbybeing with you. I'm pretty damn sure I've got the best deal."
"Yeah? You think so?"
I pushed up close to him and rested my hand on his thigh. "Well, hell, have you looked in the mirror lately? You're fucking gorgeous, Axel, and in bed? Youdefinitelyknow what you're doing, and I think you've ruined me for anybody else forever."
He groaned and blushed. "Quinn…"
"I'm serious here." My voice softened. "Don't make me try to describe it in detail, but being with you is everything to me. I don't want an immature kid who doesn't know what he's doing. I want you with all of your experience and wisdom and incredible fucking skills."
Axel blushed. Then, he looked at me, staring deep into my eyes. "I can't deny it. I want you, Quinn. More than I've ever wanted anyone or anything."
I kissed him gently, my eyes closing for a moment. "Then tell yourself it's okay for you to have me. Believe this is real and that I'm not going anywhere."
He pushed forward and captured my mouth with a kiss that stole my breathaway. My toes curled at its intensity.
When we finally broke the kiss,both of usgasped to catch our breath. "I love you."
Axel placed one hand on my chest. "I love you so fucking much."
***
Later that evening, after the emotional whirlwind of a day, Axel and I tangled together in his bed.Except for the soft glow of streetlights filtering through the blinds, the room was dark.
Axel rested his head on my chest, occasionally planting soft kisses on my bare flesh. He was still a little agitated, but much of the tension from earlier had faded.
"Quinn?" His voice was a little hesitant.
"Yeah? What's up?"
