The door to the library crashed open harder than I'd intended. I hadn't even realised I'd been sprinting through the halls, my feet barely touching the ground. I wasn't winded, there was no burn in my lungs or sweat on my face—and there never would be again. I supposed that in a lot of ways I was grieving for a life I knew I'd had, even if I couldn't remember it.

Maybe that made it worse, in some ways. I couldn't look back on the good memories or feel relief for leaving behind the bad. It was all blank, other than the terror I'd felt when Hayes had bit me. I didn't want that emotion to be the only thing I had of my life before I'd become... this.

I stopped abruptly, blinking when Rowan jumped at the sight of me. Clearly I'd been moving so quickly his hearing hadn't picked me out. Or maybe it was the headphones he was pulling out of his ears, because it didn't seem possible that he hadn't heard the library doors slam.

"Hey, you okay?"

I bit my lip and swore when I nearly bit right through and a trickle of blood dropped onto my chin.

Rowan stood, alarm flashing across his face as he hurried around the edge of the table to stand close to me.

I closed my eyes, loving the heat from his body and the smell of ocean and sweetness he seemed to exude. I couldn't feel the cold, and yet I somehow craved the warmth, like something inside me instinctively knew I would never again be truly warm.

"What happened?" he said softly and the tension in me drained away as his hands rubbed soothingly across my upper arms.

"It's just... a lot. All of it."

His fingers moved down until they slid through mine. "For what it's worth, you're adjusting well. Not everyone has to go through what you are, but it's still jarring for most of us to find out we're not who we thought we were."

"The person I'm becoming... scares me," I admitted and when I looked up, his eyes snared mine until they dropped to my mouth—no, my chin and the blood still smearing it.

I reached to wipe it away and then stopped, curiosity burning through me. How much of what I'd felt with Hayes was about the bond versus the blood?

I tipped my head up in offering and Rowan’s eyes darkened.

"What are you doing?"

"I have no idea," I murmured and he licked his lips, the scrunch of his eyebrows making it look like he was in pain as he held himself still.

"Are you sure?" he said hoarsely and I nodded.

"Yes."

"What about Hayes?"

"What about him?" Anger raced through my veins like fire. I may have been forced into this bond with him, but Hayes didn't own my body, mind, or blood. I could choose what I did and who I did it with.

A full body shudder worked through Rowan and, for a second, he swayed closer before pulling away.

"I feel like this would be a mistake," he said and my stomach dropped with what I wanted to be disappointment but what felt a lot like relief.

"You're a good person," I said, trying not to wrinkle my nose. That was where he and Hayes differed, I supposed. Hayes would have bled me near-dry and smirked as I sat on the edge of death.... and I would have loved every second of it. Maybe we were a match made in heaven—or, more likely, hell.

A pinched look furrowed Rowan's brow and he gave me a strained smile. "I try." He turned and walked back to the table he'd been sitting at before I'd barged in and I followed, taking the seat across from him.

"What are you reading?"

Rowan looked down and a small smile flitted across his mouth. "Ah—"

A laugh burst out of me when I saw the title. "Dracula, really? I've never read it but I can't imagine it's accurate."

"That's why I like it," he said, stroking one hand down the centre of the pages. "It's mostly long-winded descriptions and a little bit of mystery thrown in."

"Sounds... good?" I tried and smiled when he nodded distractedly. "Are you going to come with us this weekend?"

"To see the mage?" Rowan looked away from me, out into the stacks behind him so I couldn't read his face until he turned back to me. "I don't think so."

"Why not?"