Page 69 of Come Back for Me
Everything about her is perfect.
I moan, unable to stop myself as I kiss Ellie the way I’ve dreamed of for so long. Our tongues move together as I drink her in. She has no idea what she does to me, and in some ways, I hope she never does.
Ellie consumes my thoughts and dreams. Just a smile can set my entire world ablaze. I’m so far gone, and I don’t even know how it happened. One minute I was here, in this fucking town I hate and surrounded by ghosts, and the next, I was never wanting to leave my house because she and Hadley were there.
She pulls back, resting her forehead to mine. “When you kiss me like this, I can’t think.”
“I don’t want you to think, I want you to feel.”
Her blue eyes lift to mine, and her vulnerability humbles me. “That has always been my downfall. If I used my head more, I never would have gotten into the position I’m in.”
Ellie steps back, and I let her go even though I want to hold her against me. She and I both have demons, and when they’re awoken, I know how hard it is to silence them again.
“I don’t want to take away your choices.”
She turns quickly. “I don’t think you do. I can’t make the same mistakes again, Connor. I jumped feet first into a relationship with a man who I knew wasn’t right for me. I let him . . . hurt me. I gave him power over me in a way that I never should’ve. He broke things inside me, trust that I don’t know can be repaired. I will never be whole or the woman who isn’t a little damaged.”
I move toward her, unable to stay back, but I restrain myself from touching her. “I don’t care if there are pieces of you that are damaged. I don’t care if every inch of you is scarred. Believe me, there are parts of me that are so fucking mangled it would take a miracle to straighten them. It’s not about perfection or being whole—it’s you being you.”
Ellie looks away, tucking her hair behind her ear. “You say these things, and I have to stop myself from falling.”
“If you fall, I’ll catch you.”
“What if I take you down with me?”
“I’ll shelter you so you don’t get injured.”
“And if you’re hurt in the process?” Ellie’s voice is barely a whisper.
“I can handle it.” I inch closer, my hand lifting and tucking the other side of her hair behind her ears. “What I can’t handle is causing you or Hadley pain. I want to make you happy, Angel, not make you cry.”
Her fingers wrap around my wrist as my palm moves to cradle her jaw. But she doesn’t tug my touch away. “It’s just that when you kiss me, I forget myself. I can’t let that happen.”
I rest my lips against her forehead, trying to think of what to say to assure her. I don’t want her to forget herself, only the things around her. I want to give her power and freedom.
When I go to open my mouth, she lifts her head and speaks. “I want you, Connor. I think I’ve always wanted you, but that’s not what I had. I left that night, and we can’t pretend the last eight years haven’t happened. I know that you’re worried that, if you find out Hadley is yours, you won’t be able to pull back, and I’m worried that if we don’t, I won’t be able to move forward.”
My heart pounds against my chest. “It won’t matter if she is or isn’t.”
“It matters to me.”
Which is what I fear too. If she finds out that Kevin is Hadley’s father, will she walk away from me? Will she fear that he’ll want Hadley and run? Will she go off and not tell anyone to protect them both? I won’t be able to handle it if she does. I want her to be ours. I want that night to have created something so perfect that it lives between us now. However, if it matters to her, then I’ll give her the answers she wants, damn the consequences.
“Is this what you need?” I ask.
“I think it is.”
“Then . . . I’ll take the test tomorrow if that’s what will make you happy and feel secure.”
“It is. I want to know one way or the other.”
“I’ll do anything for you, Ellie.”
Ellie launches herself at me, her arms wrap around my neck, and I steady us and hold her in my arms. Her lips are on mine an instant later, and all the worries I have disappear.
Maybe she’s right, we can’t move on if we don’t face what’s behind us. God, if that’s true, I’m going to have a lot of baggage to unpack.
Chapter Twenty-Three
