Page 47 of The One for Me
Sean turns, leaving me standing here, trying to come up with anything I can to deny that he just stole my heart from my chest, and I’ll never get it back.
Chapter Fourteen
Devney
“So what you’re saying is that he has feelings for you, you have feelings for him, but you won’t date him?” Sydney asks as she stares at me. I came here for advice and to work through my thoughts because they’re muddled as hell.
“I’m saying that Sean wants more.”
“And you don’t?”
“I don’t know. On one hand I do. He’s the best guy in the world.”
“And the other?”
I sigh. “The other is that we know we won’t last long distance. I worry his fame will be an issue and I’ll be insanely jealous.”
She fusses with Deacon in the playpen and then sits next to me on the couch. “You’re scared and an idiot.”
“I’m not being stupid. There’s a lot at stake here.”
“Yes, there is,” she agrees. “There’s also a lot at stake if you don’t take a chance.”
I groan and drop my head back. “I need a freaking life! I need something. Anything other than this. I miss you at work because it’s slow and I can’t even escape this damn roller coaster in my head.”
She shrugs. “There is no escaping the Arrowood hell. I promise. I tried for years and I got myself knocked up and married.”
“Can we talk about anything else?”
“No way, you’re not going to get out of this. Tell me something, why are you here?”
My eyes narrow, and I study her for a second. “You asked me to drop off a couple of files.”
“Not in my house here. I mean in Sugarloaf. Why are you still here? You’re smart, pretty, and have a degree in architecture. I’m sure you could’ve found a job anywhere. Instead, you’re my very overqualified office manager. I don’t get it.”
She wouldn’t, and it isn’t something I plan to explain because my reasons are my own. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
Sydney’s hand touches mine. “I would never judge you.”
It’s funny, I remember my mother saying those same words when I called her. I didn’t want to tell her the truth, but she kept saying how she loved me and wouldn’t cast judgment. That’s exactly what she did andstilldoes.
“Look, a long time ago, I made some stupid choices and trusted someone I shouldn’t have. It changed a lot about me and what I want.”
“What do you want, Dev?”
There is so much empathy in her voice that I want to tell her all my secrets and finally unburden myself, but there’s no way I can.
Too many lives are at stake.
Too many people would be hurt if I spoke it aloud.
“I want to be happy,” I say with honesty. “I want to move on and have a life like you do.”
“Meaning?”
I think about how broken she used to be and how, after only a few months, she’s happier than I’ve ever known her to be. Sydney has everything she could want. “I want to be loved.”
She squeezes my hand. “Then let Sean love you.”
