Page 100 of Stay for Me
His smile is sad. “I like that she’s happy again. She doesn’t cry in the bathroom anymore or walk around like she doesn’t know where to go. I think she really likes you.”
“I really like her.”
“Then you should ask her out again.”
The simplicity of his cause and effect makes my chest ache, and there is no way he would understand why I can’t stay and always make Brenna happy. “You know I have to leave Sugarloaf soon, right?”
“I know. It’s going to suck, and I wish you could stay.”
I sink down so we’re eye to eye. Saying this part aloud could be the mistake of a lifetime, but it’s also the most truth I will ever voice. “If there were ever a reason that I would want to, it would be for your mom, you, and Melanie.”
“Jacob?”
“Yeah?”
“Then why can’t you?”
I sigh. “Because my job and my life are in California. I’d be gone a lot, and that wouldn’t be fair to any of you.”
“I get it.”
I’m glad he does because it’s the biggest load of bullshit. “I wish it were different.”
“Me too. You’d be a great stepdad.”
My throat is tight from emotion. “Let’s get you home, man.”
We start to walk again, and my mind is spinning in circles. I want to say more, to rebuke the lie I told and tell him it’s because I’m fucking terrified of loving someone else and them leaving me because they’ll see the life I can give isn’t one that’s stable. I want to run to Brenna’s house, pull her into my arms and tell her the real reasons and that I’ll battle them if she’ll let me.
Brenna has dealt with a man who was gone, and my fear is that she won’t ever do it again. She has had enough disappointment. How many birthdays did Luke miss? Anniversaries that weren’t shared? How many times did she have to endure a night where she wanted him to hold her but his career came first?
Life would be the same with me.
If I need to be on set, I’m contractually obligated to do that.
But then I think of Brenna. I imagine waking up next to her, having meals together, watching movies on Wednesdays, and going to the fair together. I can see meeting her for lunches at the diner once a week and sneaking off to the creek where we can make love under the stars.
And then, as though my mother or God or someone somewhere were listening, I know what the curve I need to make is.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Brenna
“And what about the rumor going around town about you and Jacob?” Sylvia asks.
It’s been a week since the last time she dropped in without calling first, and I thought that maybe we turned a corner. Clearly, that wasn’t the case. Even if the visits are getting less frequent, the intrusiveness hasn’t ebbed.
“There’s nothing to it.”
“Magnolia said you had lunch together again.”
“Sylvia, we have lunch together once a week to discuss the play.” Where we end up holding hands under the table or he’s doing other things—naughty things.
She goes back to drying the dishes in the rack. “I’m just saying that Luke would’ve been very disappointed if you were to find someone like him for his replacement.”
Anger simmers in my blood because she has no right to dictate anything in my life, let alone try to make me feel shame for who I choose to date in the future.
Two months ago, I would’ve let this slide, but not now. Not only because she has no right but also because, if there is anyone that I want in my life, it’s Jacob. I won’t allow her to disparage him.
