Page 3 of Stay for Me
Oh, Jesus. “And that’s what you want to wear for your first day?”
“Granny said it had character.”
I snort. It has more than that. “Sebastian, sweetheart, that doesn’t match. Go put on the pair of new jeans I bought you.”
“What about the shirt?”
This is not the hill I want to die on, so I say, “If you like it, I think it’s great.”
My mother-in-law has a thing for loud colors and animal print. If it has stripes or spots, she owns it and wears it. I am nothing like that, but she and Sebastian bonded over it years ago, prompting her to help him, “Dress to own the world.” If he likes the shirt, I am not going to stop him.
A boy named Bruce or Troy or God-only-knows-what with fists the size of watermelons will probably have something to say about it, but Sebastian has long since tried to make people like him. He’s a sweet boy who loves to make us smile and constantly entertains us with jokes or music. He writes songs, plays the guitar, and has straight A’s. I couldn’t be any prouder of him if I tried.
“I wish Dad were here.”
“Me too.”
“He would’ve liked the shirt.”
I fight back the tears that threaten to form. “He would’ve bought a matching one.”
One thing that Luke didn’t have was fashion sense, but he loved trying to give Sebastian the confidence to wear what he wanted. If he—a big bad navy fighter pilot—would wear a zebra shirt, then Sebastian would too.
“Do you think he’s in heaven watching me today?”
“I would bet all my dollars.”
Sebastian’s face falls slightly. “I miss him.”
I give him a soft smile, one that is a signature. It says,I understand, I wish it were different, but I can’t fix this. “I know you do, but it’s a good thing that we’re in this town with Granny and Pawpaw, right?”
He nods, but I can see the disappointment. “Yeah.”
“It’s not the same, though,” I tack on. There’s nothing that will make this better for any of us, and trying to give him false hope is only going to make it worse.
We are alone.
We’re no longer the Allens, a family of four. We’re just three of us, down a spoke on the wheel that will never be mended.
I lost the man I love and the father of my children because of a mechanical failure. So many apologies. So many nights spent crying, wondering how our life would be if he hadn’t reenlisted three months before that.
If only he hadn’t let me down.
If only he’d loved me enough not to go to work that day like he promised.
If only...
Butonlyis a dream that I can never have because reality took him from us, and now, we only have each other.
“No, but I have you.”
“Always.”
Sebastian rushes forward, arms wide, and I pull him tight. His hugs are the best. They’re full of warmth and love.
He lifts up onto his toes, kisses my cheek, and hugs me tighter. “I love you, Mom.”
“I love you too.”
