Page 132 of Return to Us
Yesterday, when he sat in the bathroom while I showered, asking if I needed help, I lost it. To avoid a fight, I went to bed at six o’clock, feigning exhaustion.
He raises both hands. “I’m just making sure you don’t do too much.”
“You’re making sure I don’t do anything.” I turn to Dr. Warvel. “I love him. I love that he wants to take care of me, but I’m not an invalid.”
She shifts, which means she’s settling in to give it to one of us, and I’m hoping it’s him. “Jessica,” she starts, and I groan, “you know what it’s like to suffer a trauma. You lived through the plane crash, dealt with crippling nightmares, stuttering, and a host of other physical issues. What you’re living right now with Grayson is another version of it.”
“I understand that.”
“Do you?”
“You just said I should.”
She smiles. “But that doesn’t mean you understand it. I’m pointing out that being overprotective is a part of him dealing with his trauma.” Her eyes move to Grayson. “Did you tell Jessica what you went through regarding the fire?”
He looks to me and then to her. “Not really.”
“Why don’t you try?”
“It was nothing compared to her being in the fire,” he says.
Dr. Warvel nods slowly, I can see her brain working on the best angle. “I’m sure that’s true, but you lived it as well. Maybe not the same way as she did, but there is still your version of it, correct?”
“Yes. I wasn’t in the fire, but I listened to it. I had to drive to her, not knowing anything. Then, when I got there, I had to wait until someone would tell me if she was even alive. I had to wait and worry, seeing the fucking house burn. Literally, the house was on fire. Not just the beach house, but us as well. Our relationship was going up in flames.”
Man, she’s good. Just a few questions, and he’s letting it out.
I turn to him. “We weren’t going up in flames.”
“No? It sure felt like it. I lost you, Jessica. I thought you were dead. I listened . . .”
My fingertips move down his face. “I’m right here.”
“I know that, and I am trying to tell myself to stop hovering, but I lost my fucking heart when you wouldn’t answer the phone. I screamed for five minutes, racing for my keys, trying to find my shoes, and the whole time, I was calling out your name over and over, listening to the sounds of glass breaking and what sounded like bombs exploding in the house. And then the line went dead, and I had no idea . . .”
I didn’t know that. During my stay at the hospital, it was a lot of focusing on my prognosis and monitoring the baby. We didn’t talk about the fire other than when I relayed the events to the fire marshal. My mother and sister went back to Willow Creek two days after the fire, and Delia left the next day, leaving me with Grayson.
Stella came down with Jack and Amelia because she was struggling with him being gone so long and had overheard Jack and Stella discussing the fire.
Each day, I healed a bit more both mentally and physically. I had Grayson. I had my life. I was okay.
But he wasn’t, and I didn’t see that.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I ask him. “I knew something was wrong, but you didn’t tell me any of that.”
“You are supposed to stay calm and stress free.”
I rub my thumb over his cheek, the scruff longer than usual. “We have a bad habit of trying to protect each other by keeping things from the other.”
“I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. Honestly, I didn’t realize it until we started talking.”
“Dr. Warvel does that. She makes you say things even when you don’t know you need to.”
She grins at us. “I try, but you two just did my job for me. Your relationship has a wonderful foundation. You know each other in a way that many couples only dream of. Your love hasn’t faded through the years, almost as if you’ve been waiting to return to each other all along. Now, you’re here and your house has the framing and the walls. Trust in that. It didn’t burn down, it’s not on fire, it just needs you to trust each other and keep building.”
Chapter 35
Grayson
