Page 50 of Return to Us
“Okay, if you say so.”
I try to think back, but I don’t remember us being that intense.
“We spent two years apart,” I remind her. “We weren’t like that then.”
Delia laughs while shaking her head. “The hell you weren’t. If anything, it was even worse. You were in school, and he would come home every weekend. I would lose you because, if Gray was around, you most definitely were not. If he didn’t come home, you were at his dorm.”
“Yes, but we weren’t like . . . in sync.”
“You two were like magnets moving in unison. It was really amazing if I’m honest about it. It’s why so many people were in shock when you ended things. But the bigger question is, what does it mean for you now? You’re both older, lived a lot, and are single.”
With maturity and age also comes the need to be honest about it too. “I’m not going to play games with him.”
“I’m not telling you to.”
“How is it that I’m thirty-two years old, unmarried, no kids, and I am a fucking mess? Shouldn’t this have been how it was for me in my twenties?”
Delia laughs. “Well, I’m in the similar but slightly more pathetic boat as you. I’m thirty-two and have never been in a real relationship because I’m in love with a man who lives two states away and doesn’t even know I exist. Oh, and it’s been four years since I got laid.”
“You are pathetic.”
She nudges me as we both giggle. “How long has it been for you?”
“Oh, I’m pretty sure I’m a virgin again.”
“That long?”
I nod. “I was sort of dating the pilot, Elliot, a few years back. We would hook up when we were on a flight together, but it stopped when he realized I was never going to be more than casual. He recently moved in with his girlfriend, and she’s fantastic.”
We are about to reach the beach house when Delia’s hand grips my arm. “Jess, you and Gray . . . you were always what people hoped to find for themselves. You loved each other in a really raw and honest way. Do you think that being back here is some kind of sign? Could you give yourself the opportunity at love again?”
I look up at the deck in time to see Melia open the door and rush out, waving her hand at us. I lift mine and allow the unwanted images of a possible future to rush forward. Grayson, Amelia, and I vacationing here. Another comes of us at a school play or hiking to show her the lookout we made ours so many years ago.
He emerges, a coffee cup in his hand, staring at me with such intensity it’s as though he can see into my head.
But the truth comes back, reminding me that this is temporary. I don’t want to live here—ever. Grayson and I have ghosts that will never go away, and I’ve seen firsthand what those do to men.
It causes them to leave.
I look back at Delia, disappointed that wanting something so much doesn’t make it possible. “Yes. No. I don’t know. It’s not a matter of giving myself a chance to love again.” I watch him, hating the words. “It’s that I don’t want to stay here. I want to go back to my life in California. I want to fly again and travel. The real question is, could I give up everything for achance? And the answer is . . . I don’t know.”
Chapter 12
Grayson
“Yaya, you have to meet my new friend Miss Jessica?”
I really wish the babysitter—also known as my mother—wouldn’t insist on dropping off Melia an hour before I have to leave the inn. It’s the busiest time of day for me, and my daughter does not understand what working means. Also, I haven’t told my mother about Jessica working here.
“Jessica? Who is she?”
“The new front desk manager,” I say.
Amelia grabs her hand. “She’s pretty and smart and she and Daddy were in love once.”
My mother’s face pales. “Jessica Walker?”
“The same one.”
